Tish stands with me. “You sure you’re okay?”
“No,” I say honestly. “But I’m getting there.”
At the apartment, I change into something soft and familiar, then curl up on the couch. The sticky note with Sam’s mailing address is still on the table, untouched but not forgotten.
Then I reach for a notebook, the pages fresh and waiting. My pen hovers over the paper for a second. And then I write.
Dear Sam,
I don’t really know how to start this. I’ve written and rewritten the first sentence a dozen times already, but nothing feels right. Maybe because there’s no perfect way to sayI miss youandI’m sorryat the same time.
When I left the ranch, it wasn’t by choice. I need you to know that first. Phern found out about my past job, and someone from my old station showed up while you were gone. I had no idea he was coming. I told Phern I wasn’t working on a story, and I meant it. I meant every word I ever told you.
But she didn’t believe me. And before I could explain anything, she asked me to leave. Told me to be gone before you got back.
So I left. And it broke me.
I tried to stay strong, tried to tell myself it was for the best, that I didn’t belong in a place as beautiful asStonewater Ranch or with someone as good as you. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw your smile. I heard your voice. I felt your arms around me like they were still holding all my broken pieces together.
You said I washed into your life with the flood, but the truth is, you were the one who pulled me from the wreckage. You reminded me who I am. You made me feel safe, seen, loved. And I’ve never felt that before. Not like this.
I don’t know what happens next. Maybe you’ve already moved on. Maybe this letter won’t even reach you. But if it does… if you’re reading this… I hope you’ll believe me when I say that loving you was never part of a story. Youarethe story. The best part.
If there’s still a place for me on the ranch, in your arms, anywhere…I’d give anything to come home.
Love,
Charlie
I carefully add my phone number at the bottom of the letter, hesitating for a moment before sealing the envelope. Then, with my heart in my throat, I press a kiss to the flap full of all the words I couldn’t fit on the page.
It’s a longshot. The address leads to a post office box in Sheridan. For all I know, it could be checked once a month or not at all. But someone must look eventually. And if they do, ifhedoes then maybe my words will find their way back to him.
Still, I can’t pin my whole life on amaybe. So I stand, letter in hand, and breathe as I put it in my mailbox.
Until I know what’s next, I’m going to work on rediscovering who I am without Sam Stone. Because if this letter never reaches him or if it’s too late, I have to be strong enough to keep going. Not just survive, but live. Fully. Authentically.
And if I ever get the chance to love again, I want to do it as the woman Sam helped me remember I could be.
Even if he never knows.
25
Dear Sam,
I thought I saw you today at the farmer’s market.
Silly, I know. The man had on a cowboy hat and looked like you from behind. I even reached out and touched his shoulder.
But when he turned around it wasn’t you.
And just like that, I was standing in the middle of a crowd, somehow more alone than I’ve ever felt.
I can’t believe it’s only been a week since I left the ranch. It feels longer, like the world has spun further without you in it.
Every morning, I wake up reaching for you.
Every night, I fall asleep with your name on my lips and tears soaking my pillow.
