“Butdoyou know? Really?”
I look him in the eye. “Yeah, I do know. This crap won’t last for ever. It can’t.”
“No, it can’t. And right now the world is talking about coke snorting and Katie Del Bitch Face, so here’s your shot.”
“My shot?”
“Yes. Take the opportunity of the distraction and use it. Grab hold of life again. You can do it.”
My heart is suddenly thumping at the prospect.
Katie Del Francis is such a controversy that she could release a fart in public and it would go viral. So take that and pair it with Connor…
“You think I can do it?” I ask Josh. “For real? You think it’s really worth the risk?”
“I don’tthink. Iknow.”
I wish I was as confident as he is. The thought of stepping out into the world again feels alien. Terrifying.
But so fucking good.
“Do it,” Josh says and reaches for my phone. “Open up the Agency app and reinstate your calendar. Take the leap of faith.”
I take the handset from him, reeling at the fear.
“We don’t even know if I can yet. What if The Agency removed the option? What if they say I can’t have my account back? What if they’ve taken me down?”
“Only one way to find out. You know full well Orla hasn’t said anything to me about it.”
“Yeah, but she wouldn’t.”
“Sheshouldn’t, you mean. Not as far as official policy is concerned. But she could have.”
I shift uncomfortably. I’ve told Josh to keep out of it at all costs when it comes to The Agency. I don’t want my shit spilling over into his career. It wouldn’t be fair.
I look at my phone screen. My finger hovers over the app.
“I’m not sure I can face it.”
At that, he tips my face up to his, and the love in his eyes is so fierce it takes my breath.
“You can face anything, because you’reyou. And we’reus.Side by side. Do it. Don’t let him win. Not again.” He pauses. “Don’t give the prick what he wanted. You’re worth too much for that. Way too fucking much.”
The confidence that radiates from Josh is palpable, and it spurs me on.
The thought of Connor living it up and being an evil asshole alongside Katie Del Francis ignites a burn of rage, and it’s enough to have me nodding in agreement, because Josh is right. I am ME. ThemeI found when Connor first fucked off with another woman and kicked me to the kerb, before crawling back like a pitiful loser and fucking her over too. I dismissed him then, and I will dismiss him now. Fuck him. And fuck the bullshit he’s brought to my door. If this is my shot at fading into obscurity, I owe Katie Del Bitch Face athank youcard.
Josh is right. Now is my chance. I have to take it.
“Ok, here we go,” I tell the boyfriend I truly deserve, and finally press the login button.
I hold my breath when I enter my credentials. My heart is pounding like utter crazy as the home screen comes up andinactiveshows at the top. But theset to availablebutton is still next to it… I still have the option for myentertaineralias Holly to go live again…
Please, God.
“Do it!” Josh says, and I can tell by his smile that he’s as relieved as I am to see the option still there. “The Agency hasn’t deactivated you, Ells. You’ve still got your account. So do it. Set your calendar to live and get those proposals coming in!”
It takes me three deep breaths before I do it, and I squeal out loud when my calendar shows up, available and unscathed. No messages from Orla, no disciplinaries, nothing. Just my ‘Holly’ profile, with all my naughty list boxes still ticked and available for bookings.
