And it’s me, Ella, who lies with him in the aftermath. Two sweaty lovers holding each other tight and whispering sweet nothings as the dawn begins to break through the window.
For the first time in weeks, the daylight doesn’t scare me. No tremors at the thought of what might be spewing around online about me. No desire to hole myself up and distract myself from the drama with ice cream and bullshit TV. No desire to sleep in as long as possible like a comatose butterfly with broken wings.
Today feels like the start of a brand new day.
No.
Scratch that. A brand new life!
CHAPTER FOUR
It’s only four hours before Josh and I are up and about again. We should be like zombies after such a crazy active night, but it’s like we’ve slept for ten hours solid.
My boyfriend is light on his feet as he cooks us bacon and eggs, dressed like a casual god in his t-shirt and boxers, and I have so much energy I want to dance around the kitchen in my dressing gown, even though my ass is still sore from a double battering.
I love having a sore ass again. Weird, but true.
I prepare our little dining table with cutlery as Josh butters the toast, and we sit down together to eat. This morning both of us are smiling. And I meanactuallysmiling. It’s amazing.
Amazing!!
I’ve missed that word.
“Are you out on a proposal tonight?” I ask, and Josh nods as he chows down some bacon.
“Yeah. One of my regulars, over in Tottenham. A decent length one. Five hours.”
My heart speeds up a little. We were so busy with each other last night, I haven’t shared the news with him…
“Nice.” I take a bite of toast. “I’m, uh, going to be in Shepherd’s Bush. Mine’s for four.”
Josh pauses, a forkful of bacon poised in mid-air.
“You’re what?”
I keep smiling. “I’m going to be in Shepherd’s Bush working tonight. Four hours.”
“You accepted another proposal? Already?”
I nod, but don’t meet his eyes.
“Yep. I accepted another proposal. I accepted three for this week, actually. My calendar looks so much better for it. Much more healthy. None of my regulars yet, just newbies. You know. In case my regulars have seen me. They’re much more likely to have spotted me online, right? They know the sight of me pretty damn well.”
I’m gabbling and I know it. My giggle is weak, and I feel goofy.
Josh puts his fork down, clearly contemplating what I’ve just revealed. And I know how it sounds. Three proposals right off the back is ambitious. Maybe impulsive. I clicked them when I was high on the way back in a cab after all, but I still want to do them. Four hours of sleep hasn’t dented my enthusiasm.
I reach over and take Josh’s hand, hoping my stare conveys enough of my soul that he can read the truth in me. I don’t want him to overthink things, or overcomplicate things, or take the wind out of my newfound sails.
“I’m ready,” I say. “I can do this.”
The loving concern is back in his eyes, and it makes me want to hug him for ever.
“I know, and that’s admirable. But I’m going to be out, and my phone won’t be available.”
“Yeah, I know that, but it’s ok. I’ll be fine.”
He doesn’t look convinced.
