He wantsElla, not Holly, with Holly’s bravado and smirks and expertise, so he can have her. He can haveme.
“Want to know the truth?” I ask him.
“Always.”
“I was absolutely crapping myself when Connor blurted who I was. Me and my boyfriend couldn’t get anywhere near our home for the paps camping outside. We checked into an Airbnb and I was too scared to leave. I curled up on the sofa, praying for it to end. When people were looking for me, all I felt was doom.”
“Why the doom?”
I shrug, thinking it through, because I never had any other angle on it. It was all so black and white.
“People recognising me. People knowing who I am. It just…”
“Are you ashamed of it?”
His eyes are so piercing, but so warm.Genuine.
“Ashamed of being a hooker, you mean?”
“No. Ashamed of being yourself. Because you are a hooker, yeah. But that’s your career. It’s only a part of you. So what if people found out about it? So what if people were talking about you? Who gives a shit?”
The thoughts churn in my guts, and I think of him. All the rumours about him. So many people scathing over how much of alegendhe is, and how fucked up he is, with his heavy rock and his sex thrusts on stage. There was so much gossip about him when I was younger. Stupid shit about how he’d fuck girls on the top of his tour bus while it was zooming along at seventymiles an hour, and how he once bent over a policewoman and fucked her in the ass while she was trying to arrest him. A load of bullshit, or I think so.
He raises his glass again.
“You could have given them the middle finger and stepped out proud, you know that, right? You could have laughed in the paps’ faces, blown them a kiss and said you charge at least seven figures a go. I thought I’d gotten a bargain, actually.” I love his wild laugh. “You could have said that Connor only fucked off in the first place because he couldn’t afford you. Because his dick wasn’t big enough to keep you horny.”
“I wouldn’t have lied about Connor like that.”
Vinnie looks at me like I’m one of his sculptures, his dirty boy eyes examining my face.
“Damn it, fuck-doll. You’re a sweetheart, aren’t you? I’d have fucked him over with everything I had if that motherfucker had me holed up in shit town with nowhere to go.”
“I knew he’d do it for himself. He’s fucking himself over every day.”
“He said he’d never have made it without you.”
My jaw grits instinctively, all the time I spent at Connor’s side, cheering him on from the wings gig after gig coming back to haunt me.
“He wouldn’t have, no. But it wasn’t about his shit viral hit, it was about all the work that went on before it.”
“Exactly.” Vinnie points a finger at me. His nails are black, not scarlet like mine. “So you had every right to cash in on it. You could be a way brighter star than him. He’s screwing himself over, one bullshit move at a time, but you,” he pauses. “Your skills ain’t going nowhere.”
I look at the bar top, running my scarlet nailed fingers across the wood as I try to digest his words. I never wanted to be famous. I never intended to cash in on Connor’s success, notever. I always pictured him making it and me sitting quietly in the wings. On his arm at events, but never in the spotlight for myself.
“You’re selling yourself so fucking short, Ella Edwards,” Vinnie says. “Don’t let that sonofabitch shove you in the limelight without reaping the rewards. He put your name in lights, so step out into the applause.” He sips his champagne. “Trust me, it’s a dream to have people chanting your name.”
“I’m a hooker, not a rock star.” I laugh. “I use my bodily assets, not my music talents.”
“That don’t matter shit. You useyou. Be proud. Own it.”
My head is still reeling so bad I don’t know what to make of it. His words call deep, and give me a strange surge of emotion. I’m proud of being Holly, yeah, really proud. But what about Ella? Am I really proud of being Ella?
Have I ever been proud of being Ella?
I’ve been lucky. I’ve landed on my feet after the hell, and I pushed myself to get through the storm after Connor trashed me in the first place. But that’s because I was lucky enough to get the opportunity. Through Ebony, and Orla, and The Agency.
And not forgetting Josh, always there by my side.
