With my own tea warming my palms, I join her in the research room, choosing to settle in an armchair by the window that faces the room. I don’t need to see the rain. I just want to hear it, gentle background noise to our conversation.
“If something ever happens to me—not that I think it will, only itcouldbecause bad things happen all the time—it will devastate him. No …” Her brows scrunch in thought. “Destroy. Decimate. Obliterate. I think that’s it. My death would obliterate Jack.”
Trepidation creeps down my spine. If something were to happen to Ame, Jack’s not the only one who would be obliterated.
“You’re worried about dying?” I manage to keep my voice neutral.
“Not usually. But it happens to all of us. Even the long-lived mythics go at some point. And when I do, Jack won’t survive it.” She frowns at her mug. “Most days, I love how Jack loves me.With every bit of himself. But I don’t like thinking that loving me could be fatal to him.”
That’s heavy. But also correct as far as I can tell.
Jack has a job. He has family and friends. He has interests that aren’t my sister.
But Ame is the blood in his veins. More important than that even—since you can replace blood, but you can’t replace my sister.
“Ame.”
At the sound of her name, she finally glances my way, her vulnerable eyes seeming too large for her face.
“I will do everything in my power to make sure you live a long, healthy life. And your wolf will have no reason to even consider a future without you.”
She blinks, then offers me a small smile. “Thank you.”
I nod just as a flash of lightning lights up the room and a boom of thunder shakes the glass.
I hope Bo is sleeping soundly in the RV.
Thoughts of the monster remind me of why I couldn’t sleep, and a question pops out of my mouth before I consider if I even want to have this discussion.
“Did you think Jack was attractive when you first met him?”
Ame tilts her head to the side. “When I first met him, he was a cat. So, no.”
I huff a laugh. “I meant as a man.” My voice turns a touch serious. “The first time you saw his human form, were you attracted to him?”
Ame doesn’t need long to consider the question, nodding almost immediately. “I never planned to act on the attraction. Even after he kissed me. But, yes, I thought Jack was handsome right away. Intimidatingly so.”
“Have you ever …” I don’t know how to phrase it other than, “Not been attracted to someone, then suddenly, you are?”
Maybe it’s strange I’m bringing this question to Ame when she’s younger than me. Normally, I’m in the mentorship role. But before Jack, Ame had a relatively full dating life, often having flings with men and women we met on our trips. I never understood how she could encounter a person and be kissing them later that night. I didn’t judge her for it; I just didn’t get it.
This time, Ame does take a moment to consider my question. “I think I’ve always known right away whether or not I find someone attractive. Those feelings can grow if I spend more time with them. Or change into love, like with Jack. But I can’t remember a time when there wasn’t at least that initial spark.”
“Hmm.” I make the noise in the back of my throat, hoping I don’t sound disappointed.
“Is that something you’re feeling?” Ame asks. “Attraction you didn’t feel before?”
“I don’t know.” I sip my tea and try to untangle my own mind. “Shouldn’t I know right away?”
“Not necessarily.” She uncrosses her legs and swings them over the edge of the table. “Attraction isn’t always a physical thing.”
Bo’s muscular body and flexing forearms come to mind.
“This is definitely physical.”
“Oh. Okay. Maybe … have you ever considered you might be demi?”
“Demi?”
