I turned down everything he’d offered, for fear of becoming my grandmother.But I already am her.
She turned away from love, just like I’m doing.
The image of Warner’s devastated face blares in my mind, threatening to crush me with panicked regret.
Have I destroyed my chance at happiness, just like she did?
“I told him to find someone else.”The admission comes out on a whisper.
My mother covers my fisted hands with her own.“Sweetheart, compared to you, there is no one else.”
49
WARNER
As I pacearound my apartment, I avoid looking in any mirrors.I don’t want to see how black my eyes are.
Funny, I never thought falling in love with a person would bring out so many dark feelings.Love is supposed to be great.Lift you up.Make you feel like you’re invincible.At least, that’s what people tell you.
But I’m finding that love feels a whole lot like misery.
She’s leaving.
The thought makes me want to howl.My wolf thrashes under my skin, demanding release.The urge to transform tempts me.To run through the woods until I forget what it’s like to be human.Forget what it means to hurt.
But something keeps me here, in this stifling room.
I wrench open a window, just so I can breathe under the suffocating weight of losing her.
As I continue circling my apartment, an itch to tear the place apart grows.There’s nothing obviously wrong with the space.I bought comfortable couches, mounted a decent-sized TV on the wall.The kitchen is clean and well stocked.
But as I stare around, I can’t help thinking of it as a black hole of emptiness.Because she’s not here.
There are pieces of her.The scarf she crocheted for me hangs by the door alongside my new, decorated helmet.The sparkly barrette I unclipped from her hair the first time we slept together sits in the middle of the coffee table, reminding me to give it back.
I scowl, knowing I’m never giving that little bit of her up.Not if she’s leaving me.
Each piece feels like a shout into an echoing cavern.A glaring reminder that my home, my life, doesn’t have her in it any longer.
I try to imagine tomorrow, and the next day, and a week from now.Every time that I will come back here and there will be no Zoey.Just me and this empty apartment.
I can’t.
The thought digs into me, and I’m brought back to the first night I saw her, sitting at the bar, drinking bourbon while she slipped her little hook through yarn.Just like I knew there was no possible future that involved her leaving The Rabbit Hole without me talking to her, I know now there can be no future where I live without her.
But she won’t stay.
So … that means I have to go with her.
Once the idea forms in my head, I know it’s the right one.
Not necessarily the easiest, but it’sright.
Here, I have my pack, but who am I to say my pack is more important than her family?
I was asking her to leave her loved ones behind without considering taking that route myself.Zoey even offered to try long-distance, and I threw that back in her face.Just dismissed the possibility.As if she wasn’t worth the effort.
When, really, she’s worth everything.
