He wanted to make her stay, but this conversation was for his brothers and father alone. Their mates would be there to comfort them afterward if they needed. Valentine had selfishly wanted Yelena to be there. She was the only one who knew the whole story, but she knew better. She always did.
Valentine filled up his wine and went and sat beside Bas. He didn't want Apollo's messy emotions, and he was struggling to look at his father as it was. Bas could be relied upon to be calm inany situation that didn't involve his mate in danger. They all had their limits.
"Okay, Valentine. It's just us. What is this all about?" Cosimo asked.
Valentine had a mouthful of wine. "If I tell you, you all have to promise not to interrupt until I’m done, or I won't get through it."
They all looked at Apollo.
"Oh, come on, that's not fair," he said and then grumbled. "Fine! I won't say anything."
Valentine ran his hands through his hair and cleared his tightening throat.
"About a week before Mom died, I had a vision of her being in an accident. I thought it was a nightmare. I had been getting a lot of them, and I wasn't good enough back then to be able to tell what was real or not," he began and drank more wine.
"I didn't say anything at the time. It was just my stupid anxiety. I was always so worried that something was going to happen to one of us. I... I had started to hear a voice inside of me. It was telling me things. It was in the dream that I had of Mom. I thought the Greatdrakes curse had finally started."
"Val..." Cosimo whispered before shutting his mouth.
"After Mom's accident, I knew it was my fault. If I had said something—anything—maybe she wouldn't have been on the road with Apollo that day," Valentine continued, his voice cracking. He stared at his hands. "I couldn't tell anyone about the vision or the voice. Dad had lost it. We were all confused and grieving and were doing the best we could. I decided I wasn't going to let the Greatdrakes madness take me away when you all needed me to protect you."
He touched the scars on his chest and the ruins of the sigil. "I learned binding magic, and I locked down the voice that had been talking to me. It cut off part of my magic, so I created more to keepit in check. I thought if I put limits on my abilities, I would always be able to control the magic and the madness."
Valentine dared to look up at his brothers. They all looked pale and upset, but not angry. That was a relief. He wouldn't be able to deal with their anger on top of everything else.
"Everything was working fine until the fae returned. It was the beginning of the struggle with my bindings," he said and cleared his throat again, needing to force the words out.
"Once again, I thought I had gotten a handle on it, and then the uncles came back and started to fix magic, and none of my usual tricks were working. Taranis told us that he thought we had dragons inside of us, and I began to think about the voice I had mistaken for madness. I released some of my bindings to help Apollo in France, and I couldn't get the power to go back in its cage. When Yelena was kidnapped, I shifted, but the bindings were still there. I knew with her help, I wouldn't hurt anyone when I finally removed the last of it. I can finally control it, and the magic, too. I promise I'm not going crazy, maybe for the first time in years."
Valentine finally looked at Cosimo, and hot, horrible tears filled his eyes. "I'm so sorry about Mom. I'll never be able to make it right. All I have ever wanted was to protect you all from what I am, and what I thought I was becoming."
Cosimo got up and sat down on the other side of him. He pulled Valentine into a hug, and somehow it was worse than any anger could be. The hard lump in Valentine's throat finally broke free in a sob, and he covered his face with his hands.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry. It was all my fault..."
"My poor boy," Cosimo sighed, holding him tighter. "If anyone is to blame for your mother's death, it was me. I was meant to be taking Apollo to his friends that day, but I was too caught up in my research, and I made Lisa go."
"But I saw it! If I had said something..."
"Then what? She would have never driven again? We all would have thought it was a nightmare too," Cosimo tried to soothe. "Tell me something—have you had any visions like it since?"
Valentine sniffed. "Only about Yelena, and that's why I had to go after her and save her. I knew it was different, and not just a normal nightmare."
"I guess that explains why your aura is so different," Bas said and rested a hand on his back.
"I thought it was his dragon shift, but I hadn't seen it like this since we were kids," Reeve added. "I knew it was connected somehow."
Apollo wiped at his cheeks. "No wonder you turned into such a moody asshole."
Valentine flipped him off, making Apollo laugh and wipe his tears again. "I'm with Dad on this, Val. You can't blame yourself for Mom's death anymore. I was the one who made her drive that day, too, so if anyone is to blame, it's me and not you or Dad."
"How about you all just stop trying to take the blame at all?" Reeve said and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "It was an accident, plain and simple. Mom loved all of us, and to be honest, she probably would be pissed off at us right now. She would have wanted the best for us. That's not binding our magic or holding guilt over her death. It's been almost twenty years. Maybe it's time you all found a new hobby or something to obsess over. Like, do you guys know Valentine has three heads when he shifts?"
"What?" they all said at once.
"Thanks, Reeve, you dick," Valentine said, sitting back upright.
Cosimo left an arm around him, and for once, Valentine didn't feel like he had to count down to remove it.
