Jasper nodded solemnly. “Would you care for something to eat? I’m certain that there are more than adequate provisions in the larder.”
“Provisions that Francis has not touched, I hope?” she hedged with a small smile.
He huffed a breath and shook his head. “The food as of this morning was all fresh, and it is now behind lock and key.”
“Mmm.”
Nerves tingled disconcertingly over her limbs as he donned a pair of trousers and she his discarded shirt. Silence filled the space between them. Mere hours ago Maria had likewise desired a discussion with Jasper, but… Mayhap it was his wording or his mien that had her on edge.
Dressed, if slightly mussed, Jasper left.
By the time he returned with a tray laden with foodstuffs, Maria had concluded her ablutions and fixed her hair.
She joined him at the table—upon which they’d just made love—her stomach rumbling at the scent of cheese, cured meat, fruits, and freshly baked bread. She broke a piece off with her fingers and popped it into her mouth with a slice of meat and cheese. The salty, savoury flavours filled a need that she hadn’t even recognized, but they did nothing to ease her nerves.
“Mmm,” she hummed. “This is delicious.”
Jasper nodded, chewing, his hot gaze roving over her to settle on the gaping neck of his shirt.
“I’d like to apologize for not introducing you properly to Thomas,” Maria whispered in a rush. “I confess, I was afraid that you wouldn’t like him.”
Reaching across the table, he clasped one of her hands in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You have naught to worry about on that score. Will you tell me about him?” His gaze was warm and imploring.
Maria’s stomach gave another nervous wobble, and she cleared her throat. “We knew that Thomas was different at a young age. He and I were so close, he being only one year my elder. We played in the nursery together and got along famously. He began to make repetitive noises and gestures as a child, and our parents sought help from a doctor. They didn’t know what to do with him, as his movements and twitches would change frequently.” Rubbing a hand against her chest in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure building there, she sighed. “It did not take them long to call him mad and lock him away in Bethlem Royal Hospital.
“Thomas was there for years, and it was as though our parents suddenly had no son. They moved on with their lives and never spoke of him again. I would sneak away to visit him, and I swore that as soon as I was able, I would free him from that awful place.”
Her hands turned to fists on the table and her voice strengthened with conviction. “He doesnotbelong there. In fact, for the past several years, he has been producing costumes for the performers in Covent Garden and the Drury Lane theatre.”
“Commendable, indeed. I look forward to furthering our acquaintance.” Jasper hummed, his two-toned eyes glittering with affection and understanding. “And that is why you became Mr. Duncan Robertson? To provide for Thomas?”
“I… Y-yes.” Maria nodded, unease creeping back into her heart. “I became Duncan in order to garner a position at the newspaper and acquire our apartments.”And becoming him feltsoright.
Jasper pursed his lips in thought. “Do you intend tokeepyour alternate identity, now that we are engaged?”
Maria’s ire rose, even while a fluttering of nerves erupted in her abdomen. She lifted an eyebrow in challenge. “What if I do?”
“Despite the financial struggles instigated by my father’s gambling and perpetuated by his thieving steward, my estate is gradually recovering. In fact, this autumn our crop yields are set to significantly increase the coffers.” Jasper shook his head. “What I mean to say, Maria, is that soon, I will be able to aid Thomas on your behalf—should you wish it.”
She put another piece of cheese in her mouth and chewed, scarcely registering its flavour. They were being honest with each other, and she wanted him to know this essential part of herself. And yet… She was terrified.
“If, however,” Jasper continued in a rush, “you desire independence for yourself or for Thomas, then I would encourage you to continue donning the role of Duncan to support him.”
“What if…” Her fingers began to tingle, and she shook them out at her sides. His shirt slipped from one of her shoulders, and she tugged it back up. “What if I wish to keep Duncan in my life, but it has naught to do with independence, or with Thomas?”
* * *
Jasper’s heartwas lodged firmly in his throat. The notion that Maria wore his shirt, carriedhisscent was…stirring. She watched him expectantly, and he knew that his reply meant a great deal to her. He was, however…confused.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” he admitted. “I’ve read your articles in the paper, and I admire your work. If you wish to continue on there, I encourage you to do so?—”
“That’s not what I meant.” She licked her lips and shifted her seat. “Have you ever felt uncomfortable?”
Jasper blinked, thrown by the change in topic. “Yes.”
“Has there been a moment in which you feltsouncomfortable that your very skin felt wrong?”
He raced through scenarios in his mind, recalling being thrown from a horse as a lad and being entirely covered in manure—then retching on himself. He shook away the memory. “I daresay I’ve felt something like that.”
