“Sounds about right.” He rests his head on mine. “Kai apparently thinks Timon was a stick in the mud compared to Pumbaa. He says he’s a ‘Pumbaa Supremacist.’” I burst out into laughter, but it trails off as I get lost in a series of memories circling around Kai, both good and bad.
“Jasper, I don’t know how to do this…” My eyes burn.
“How about you talk to him directly? Pretend I’m not even here. I’ll just be his mouthpiece.” He keeps his arm wrapped around me. “He’s standing right in front of you, looking into your eyes. Say what you need to say; I’ll repeat his exact responses, okay?”
Acknowledging this is the only way I’ll be able to do this, I nod and pull away from Jasper. Currently, my only focus is connecting with Kai. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to envision him standing in front of me. If I could see him, I imagine he would be towering over me. He’d probably be wearing a T-shirt and jeans. His golden skin would shine effortlessly in the morning sunlight, and a single lock of his light sandy brown hair would fall, resting above his defined eyebrows. At this moment, he’d flash his pearly white teeth at me in that infectious grin he always had. This is how I remember my brother. Keeping my eyes closed, I speak, not caring to filter what I share. If this is all we get, I’m not holding anything back.
“None of this is fair, Kai. This isn’t how our lives were supposed to go.”
“How were our lives supposed to go, Irie?”
“We were supposed to do more late-night fast food runs. We were supposed to watch more new movies together and make fun of the actors' facial expressions. We were supposed to go on more scenic drives. We were supposed to sit side-by-side at more awkward family dinners. We were supposed to be at each other’s weddings. We were supposed to grow old and complain about our crappy neighbors.” I hold back my tears, refusing to let them fall. “Together.”
A gentle breeze sweeps across my face before he responds. “You may not feel me as strongly after today, but I assure you, I’ll be watching. When you’re craving greasy tacos at one o'clock in the morning, you better go get those tacos and savor them. I’ll be there. When you go to the movies, laugh extra obnoxiously at all the ridiculous facial expressions those actors use. When you miss me, go on a mountain drive and turn up the stereo. The louder you play that music, the better. Oh, and you better believe I won’t ever miss an opportunity for an uncomfortable evening at the Greene Household. And Irie, Heaven and Hell can’t stop me from attending your wedding. Hell, I better be Jasper’s best man.” As Jasper speaks, his voice fades away—instead, I only hear the voice of my big brother, comforting me as he always has. “But Irie, fate is real, and this was my fate all along. This is my place now, and you can’t imagine how free I feel knowing that you’re finally embracing your emotions. If this was my life’s purpose, I got damn lucky because despite how awful our parents were to you at times, I’ve always known you were something special.”
No longer able to hold back my tears, the floodgates open. Soon, my cheeks are coated. A thumb strokes my cheek, brushing tears away while I keep my eyes shut to hold onto the illusion just a little longer. “You’ll be okay, Irie. I’ve been yourguardian for years now. You’re stronger than I ever was. I’m confident you’ll be invincible by the time we meet again.”
“I miss you so much, Kai.” My voice breaks. “I’ll never stop missing you.”
“I know,” he answers softly. “The grief won’t ever fully subside. But as time goes on, you’ll find it feels different. I have a feeling you’re already noticing a small difference in the way your grief feels now than it felt initially, right?” I nod. “See, that’s what I mean. Accepting the full weight of your grief used to be scarier for you than it is now. You’re already doing what I couldn't, Irie—you’re choosing love over fear. In embracing your feelings, you’re choosing to love yourself. I’m so beyond proud of you. Even if you did end up falling for a dude like Jasper.”
I let out a small chuckle and wipe my cheeks, which is no use, considering I can’t stop weeping. My throat tightens. I know I shouldn’t ask. I have no right to after all he’s done for me, but the words spill out nonetheless. “Kai, can I please see you one more time? Just once?Please?” A moment of silence passes between us.
“The truth is, seeing me won’t make the pain go away, Irie,” he says lightly as a gentle breeze surrounds us again. “Here, keep your eyes closed. I can actually see the image in your mind. Hold onto that.”
I keep my eyes closed and await something—anything. Then, I feel warmth spreading throughout my body, similar to last night. Only, this time, the warmth feels more defined. It feels like… him. I envision Kai engulfing me in his arms while keeping my eyes sealed shut. I feel him holding me the way he used to. He towers over me, resting his head atop mine gently while holding me fiercely. Wasting no time, I raise my arms and wrap him in the tightest embrace I can.
As I bury my head into my brother’s chest, I give in and let it all go. Uncontrollable sobs escape me. Kai has always been thesun in my cloud-filled sky—his embrace brightens the darkest corners of my heart. While he holds me, all our memories flash before my eyes, including the accident itself. Rather than pushing them away, I watch them replay in my mind, engraving every moment. How lucky I am to have had a brother like Kai.
“I know it’s cliche as hell, but it’s not goodbye,” he whispers into my hair. “I’ll see you later. As much as it kills me to say it, you’re in good hands—I knowTrumanwill keep you very safe.”
I burst into laughter, accidentally opening my eyes, and to my utter shock, bright hazel eyes peer back into mine. My jaw drops as I quickly glance to my left and see Jasper staring at us in reverence, with tears in his eyes. Shocked at the sight before me, my lips tremble. “Kai? You’re—you’re really here?”
“I told you—I’ve been here all along. I wanted you to see for yourself just this once. Consequences be damned.” He grins, then turns around to overlook the mountains. “I’ve got to go. My mission is complete. I want you to promise me to live every minute, Irie.”
“I promise, Kai.” I say, finding I actually mean it. As I stare at him, I memorize his features, accepting this is the very last time I'll ever see him on this side. We share a smile, then he breaks eye contact and glimpses at Jasper while still holding me in his arms.
“Thank you, brother.” His voice cracks. “You are enough, Jasper—more than enough. I would’ve loved to have gotten to know you under better circumstances, but that wasn’t in the cards for us. We’ll catch up on the other side, buddy.”
“I’m going to miss you, bro.” Jasper swallows. My heart aches watching the two of them say goodbye to each other. “More than I’d like to admit.”
“Aw, I’m so glad you finally admitted it.” He beams, yanking Jasper into our embrace. I find myself wishing this moment could last a lifetime. I never want to let go of them—the two menwho mean more to me than life itself. “Time’s up. I’ll be waiting, you two.”
Kai winks at us and pulls away, fading into the sky where he’s always belonged.
Forty-Five
Jasper
It’s been way too quiet for my comfort recently. Look, I know Iris used to loathe the quiet, so this is her thing. But somehow, the annoying angel who insisted on constantly referring to me as his buddy may have grown on me. So, when Kai kissed this world goodbye, he kissed my ass goodbye, too—rather abruptly, I might add. I’ve spent an excessive amount of time with her over the last several days—no complaints here—and I’ve found myself actually looking for him. This is uncharted territory for me. I didn’t know him during his mortal life, but I got to know him extensively during his afterlife, so saying goodbye was hard. Period.
If I’m being honest, I’m a little worried about him. He told me the number one rule of guardianship was to remain discreet. By the end, he broke the most important rule, revealing himself to her. Of course, Kai being the idiot he is, even declared the consequences can be damned. It’s tearing me up not knowing what happened to him after our fateful encounter.
“What’s got you looking so serious over there?” she asks with mischief in her eyes while she packs her suitcase.
“Baby, this is just my face,” I answer nonchalantly.
“Jasper, maybe that’s what the world sees, but we both know that isn’t what I usually see,” she says while packing a dainty little yellow lingerie set. I’m going to have afan-fucking-tasticweekend.
