His expression hardened. “Nothing to miss. The compound was never ahometo me.”
Most people grew up in a town or a city, but we’d been raised in a compound, surrounded by fences and governed by a self-proclaimed holy man and the twelve elders he’d selected to help him.
“The word home signifies safety and a sense of belonging. I didn’t play by their rules or believe their lies, and I still have the scars on my back to prove it.”
“Spare the rod, spoil the child,” I replied, quoting the verse they used as an excuse to beat the sin out of us.
“Yeah, well, I definitely wasn’t spoiled.”
Remembering all the times I’d seen Levi get lashed for speaking out or disobeying, I winced. “You just had to play along, and they would have left you alone.”
“Like you? I never figured out how to be fake like that, but you sure did. Always running errands for the elders with that Mayer kid.” He cocked his head to the side. “Hey, what ever happened to that kid, anyway? Figured you’d be married to him and popping out his perfect little goody-two-shoes babies by now.”
“Toby?” I asked, surprised. I hadn’t thought about my childhood buddy in years. “We were just friends.”
“Youwere just friends. Tobias had other ideas. Trust me.”
Toby had never once voiced any sort of romantic interest in me, so I figured Levi was full of shit. “Shortly after you left, his dad had a stroke. He died a few weeks later, and Sister Mayer packed up Toby and moved them away. I never saw him again. Before he left, he promised to write, but I didn’t receive one letter.”
“Do you really think the elders would have given you any correspondence from the outside world?”
Back then I had believed they would. Toby was a good kid, and the elders liked him. But after the way they’d excommunicated me for leaving, I knew better. “No.”
He frowned. “Home is for family, Meals, and family doesn’t turn their back on you just because you don’t agree with their dogma. We both saw through their bullshit long ago, but you were always a better actor than me.”
He was right. I’d tried like hell to drink their Kool-Aid, but it tasted like lies and that cancer-causing phony sugar that left behind a bad aftertaste. “I just wanted them to love me,” I confessed.
His eyes softened. “And they did. Everyone loved that perfect little bitch you pretended to be. Well, everyone but me. I wasn’t too fond of her, and it seems you weren’t, either. I’m guessing the minute you tried to be real about who you were, they cut you off.”
Levi was wrong. I didn’t even know who the hell I was, so how could I be real with anyone else about it? But I didn’t correct him.
“Here,” Levi said, forcing my attention back on our conversation, “among fucked up veterans just trying to do the best they can, is where I fit in. This is my family now.”
“And where do I fit in?” I asked, as much to myself as to Levi.
“Depends. You ready to talk yet?”
It was past time to put on my big girl panties and be honest with Levi. Blowing out a breath, I collapsed in the fold up chair beside his desk, feeling more exhausted than I’d ever felt in my life.
“You think you’re in danger.” Leaning against his desk, he folded his arms and watched me. “How bad is it, Meals?”
There was so much I needed to tell him but didn’t know where to start. I hesitated.
“I’m your ally, Meals. Always will be. You know this, or you wouldn’t be here. We’re the only blood we got left. Everyone else has disowned our asses.”
He was right, and I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh about it. “Once I left the compound, I had all these dreams. I’d always wanted to be a teacher, so I could give kids the kind of education you and I never received. With the help of a… a friend, I passed the test to get my GED and enrolled at Ohio State. His family was rich, and he… he promised to help with my tuition. I was stupid and young and thought we’d be together forever. He wasn’t who I thought he was, and things didn’t work out. By the time I walked for my bachelor’s, I had a lot of college debt.” Even in my own ears, it sounded like I was building my case, preparing my excuses. But I needed him to understand, so maybe he wouldn’t judge me so harshly.
His brow furrowed. “Okay.”
“And my appendix ruptured my senior year, piling on hospital bills since I didn’t have insurance.”
He pushed away from his desk and circled it to find his chair. Once in his seat, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So, you needed money.”
“Yes,” I replied with a little too much enthusiasm. “And I still needed to get my master’s if I wanted to teach, so I neededlotsof money.”
“What’d you do? Rob a bank? Knock off a jewelry store?”
“Not exactly.”
