“He’s still not breathing. How far away is the ambulance?” a beautiful short Hispanic woman asked. Her dark graying hair was tied back in a ponytail at the nape of her neck and she had a phone in one hand, and a rosary in the other. Spade’s mom, Maritza.
“Soon,” a male voice announced over the speaker phone. “They’re about three minutes away. Have your husband continue the chest compressions.”
A siren in the distance grew steadily louder, and I silently prayed it was the ambulance while catching glimpses of Spade’s dad as his head bobbed up and down.
“Want me to take over?” Spade asked.
The next thing I knew, Spade disappeared and his father, Javier, stood and wrapped his arm around Maritza. I looked from one face to the next, seeing fear, anxiety, and helplessness. Rosalie sidled up next to me, and tears continued to pool in her big brown eyes and race down her beautiful face.
“I don’t want Tio to die,” she whispered, her lips quivering.
I’d somehow disassociated myself with what was going on until that moment. Spade’s great uncle was dying. I hadn’t even gotten to meet the man, and his life was ebbing away. The realization hit me like a freight train, and I stumbled back and put my hands to my mouth. I didn’t want to be here for this. It was too much.
“He’s gonna die, isn’t he?”
I didn’t want to be here, but this wasn’t about me. This was about Spade and his family, and this sweet little girl who was losing someone important to her. Feeling the sting of my own tears building, I opened my arms, inviting her to cry on my shoulder. She collapsed against me, sobbing.
Then the paramedics arrived. They rushed in, sweeping us all aside to give them room to work. Feeling like I was already invading this private family moment, I stepped back further, wishing I could somehow shield Rosalie from what was happening.
The team of paramedics fired off procedures to one another. “Two hundred joules.” There was a high-pitched noise. “I’m clear, you’re clear, we’re all clear!”
They were trying to jump start his heart. The realization brought more tears to my eyes. I turned Rosalie away, wishing there was more I could do.
“Clear!”
The team was still trying to revive Jaime as they loaded him onto the stretcher and wheeled him to the ambulance. Stunned, I stood in the living room, clinging to a little girl whose sobs ripped apart my heart.
Spade pushed his way out of the chaos and his gaze landed on mine. Anger, frustration, sorrow all swam in his dark eyes. A single tear ran down his cheek and he angrily wiped it aside. Then his gaze dropped to Rosalie and his expression turned tortured.
***
Spade
Uncle Jaime hadn’t fallen. He’d been asleep in his chair and startled awake by a night terror. Mom heard him hollering about bombs going off, and by the time she made it into the den, he was flat on his face on the floor. The stress had been too much and he’d had a heart attack.
The week following his death was a blur. Jessica and I spent most of our time at my parents’ house hanging out with my family as I tried to help my parents plan the funeral. It was surreal. I couldn’t believe my uncle was gone and knew if I thought about it for too long, I’d go crazy. So instead, I focused on the tasks at hand and tried not to get swept up in the emotion.
Jessica was amazing. I never doubted that she would be, but she took time off work and stayed by my side throughout most of the ordeal. She never nagged or made me try to talk about my feelings or any of that bullshit. She was just there for me. Every night she distracted and comforted me with her body.
Every morning she gave me the will to get out of bed.
We held the funeral on a Saturday afternoon. The heavy gray sky threatened rain, and the temperature had dropped, giving us our first hint of autumn. I thought about wearing slacks and a button-up, but since we’d be lying a Vietnam veteran down to rest with full honors, I pulled my dress blues out of the back of the closet.
I kept my old Army dress uniform protected in a big green garbage bag, and I hadn’t brought it out once since I left the service. As I put it on now, I looked in the mirror, surprised at how much different I looked in it now. The arms and chest were a little tight from where I’d filled out, but it still fit. In fact, it probably felt better now than when I’d first received it because I’d learned about the responsibility it carried.
My eyes were full of duty, knowledge, and loss.
Now, I looked like a soldier.
Jessica’s hungry gaze swept over my body, basically eye-fucking me as I stepped out into the living room of our apartment. “Daaamn. I had no idea you had that hiding in your closet.” She circled around, taking in all my assets.
“I feel like a piece of meat,” I joked.
“Not just any meat, you’re a Grade A Prime Beefcake.”
She knew this day would be difficult for me, and she was doing her best to bring a little levity into my life, just like she’d been doing all week. I appreciated the hell out of her for her efforts. “You just keep me around to be your arm candy, don’t you?”
“No. I was first attracted to you because I knew you’d make delicious arm candy. I keep you around because of the way you can roll your tongue.”
