“At the preschool. While you’re here. Come and meet everyone and volunteer. I know once you get to know the children and see what we’re doing… It will help you heal, too.”
I doubted that. “I’ll think about it.”
I expected Mom to push me into making a decision now, but instead, she gave me a tight smile. “Mercy and Ben will be joining us for Christmas dinner.”
Mom had mentioned Ben before, and Mercy had hurried off Friday evening to cook for him. “Is that her boyfriend?” I asked. The idea that Mercy had a significant other in her life bugged me far more than it should since the little ice queen clearly wasn’t interested in me.
Mom gave me an odd look. “Bentley is her brother. Why do you ask, Landon? Mercy is a beautiful young lady and now that I think about it you two would—”
“Mom, stop.” The train was dangerously close to getting derailed, and I needed to keep it on the tracks. Yes, Mercy was attractive, but even if she hadn’t been openly hostile toward me, I didn’t date. And she didn’t seem like the kind of girl who’d be interested in causal sex. Even if she was, there had to be some sort of rule against sleeping with your mom’s boss. If not, there should be. Mom and I were mending our bridges. Screwing her boss would be like planting C4 beneath them and handing a book of matches to a kid with ADHD and no parental supervision. Something was bound to go boom. “I’m only here until the end of January, remember?”
“Are you planning on being in the service forever?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?” But I did know I wasn’t interested in a relationship, so I changed the subject. “Ben’s her brother, and his name is actually Bentley? Like the car?” It was so unusual, it threw me off. Then again, Mercy wasn’t exactly a common name either.
“Mercedes and Bentley. Their dad named them. Mercy says he has a thing for luxury cars. Probably because they help him pick up women. He’s been married… I think she said six or seven times. I’ve never met him myself, but with the way she talks about him…” Mom shook her head. “I don’t know how such a sweet, intelligent girl like Mercy ended up with a father like that. Her mother isn’t much better. Met a man on the computer and flew across the country to be with him, leaving her daughter here on her own. Poor thing, she was still in high school when her mom left. I’ll tell you what, Landon, you could do a lot worse than Mercy, and I don’t think there’s anyone out there who’s better.”
She wasn’t listening. “Mom, I—”
“Martha has two grandkids and a daughter-in-law now. I have a son that I haven’t seen in seven years. When you enlisted, you told me it would only be four. I’m glad you’re home now, but how much longer will you be in the service? You’re twenty-five, and you need to think about your future, about a career, a wife and kids. Don’t you want any of that?”
Did I? “I don’t know, Mom. I’m gonna go finish the tree.” I turned and roamed back into the living room. Passing Dad’s recliner, I was assaulted by memories. I could almost see him standing in front of the chair, shaking a finger at me as his eyes bugged out.
“I’ve worked my ass off to give you every opportunity I never had, and you will go to college!” he thundered. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face. He was really working himself up this time. “It’s time to pull your head out of your ass and commit to something.”
I blinked, and the memory was gone. Turning, I went back to the half-decorated tree and picked up another ornament to hang. It wasn’t that I hadn’t wanted to go to school. I’d even taken some Running Start courses and had been working on credits toward achieving my associates degree. I just didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and I needed a break without people pressuring me, so I could figure it out.
And all Dad knew how to do was pressure me.
Seven years later he was long gone, and I still hadn’t pulled my head out of my ass and made a commitment. If he could see me now, he’d be so fucking disappointed, he’d probably work himself into another heart attack.
Desperate for a distraction, I picked up a glass bulb and hooked it on a tree branch.
The mundane task of decorating the tree didn’t even slow my thoughts. If I was being honest with myself, I’d admit that I’d gone into the Army to get out of making any decisions at all. After the first four years, I’d re-enlisted because I still didn’t know what to do. I’d have to decide what to do soon unless I wanted to re-enlist again.
Hell, my indecision could probably turn me into a lifer.
When Mom joined me at the tree, she didn’t say anything else about my lack of a relationship or a career. Instead, she helped me finish before sending me outside to put up the outdoor lights. While hanging the lights, I noticed that the gutters were stuffed with leaves, so I cleaned those out and washed down the walkway. The gate squeaked again when I opened it, so I brought out the can of WD-40 and solved that problem before turning my attention to the weeds crowding the tiny front yard.
I stayed outside until Mom called me in for dinner. After we ate, I headed straight for bed. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
* * *
Sunday morning, Mom and I ran errands and went grocery shopping. When we returned home, she went to work washing and chopping vegetables and asked me to go let Mercy know that dinner would be at five.
“Why would I do that?” I asked.
“Mercy and I have dinner together every Sunday night, but we usually eat at six,” Mom explained. “Please let her know it will be ready at five tonight.”
“Can’t we just call her?” I asked, suspicious of my mother’s motive for sending me to the home of a girl she’d hinted at setting me up with.
Mom speared me with a look that meant business. “She only lives on the next block. I figured some fresh air would be good for you, Landon.”
Fresh air? We’d just gotten back from the grocery store, and I’d spent Saturday hanging up lights and cleaning out gutters. I had enough of Seattle’s fresh air to fill my lungs for days, but not enough breath to argue with my mom, so I put on my rain jacket and headed over to Mercy’s.
The rain had let up, but the clouds still looked dark and ominous, like they might burst and drown the city again at any moment. Determined to get this bullshit task over with before I got drenched, I hurried my steps until I was standing in front of the door Mercy had disappeared behind two nights ago. I knocked.
Shuffling sounds came from the other side of the door. “Who is it?” Mercy asked, her voice sounding muffled and a little different.
