Chapter 4
Mercy
Iwas being bitchy and judgmental toward Landon, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. I’d been there for Beth. I’d watched her wipe silent tears from her eyes, I’d seen her depression set in as his birthday approached every year, I knew he’d broken her heart a little more with each missed phone call or unreturned letter.
I had detested him for the pain he’d put his mother through, and now I had a face to associate with my anger.
A ruggedly handsome face.
That had been a surprise. The walls of Beth’s house were covered in pictures of Landon the child, a gangly little boy with big brown eyes and a sweet smile, but there was nothing gangly or sweet about Landon the man. He was all muscles and hard angles, his chiseled jaw covered in stubble, his eyes haunted and wary, his demeanor calculated and dangerous. And it wasn’t at all fair that he was wearing his Army uniform.
Landon the soldier was hot.
I hadn’t expected him to be so damn good looking, and did not welcome the strange stirring in my chest as I watched him move toward me, all strong and protective, offering to walk me home like a gentleman. Landon wasn’t a gentleman; he was an asshole. I knew this for a fact, because I’d been there for Christmases and Mother’s Days and birthdays, watching Beth try not to breakdown every time she glanced at her phone. A phone that rarely rang.
Seven years, two-hundred-and-ten possible days of leave, and Landon could rarely be bothered to even call his mom. Talk about a dick move if I’d ever heard one.
I wanted Beth to rage about her son, to talk about him the angry way I spoke about my parents, but she never muttered a single negative word about Landon. Instead, she made excuses for his selfish behavior.“He’s busy.” “He’s probably deployed and forgot to tell me.” “The time difference makes it difficult.”She’d tried to sell me a dozen explanations, but I didn’t buy a single one, drawing my own conclusion about Beth’s son.
Landon was a selfish asshole.
Why else would he leave and rarely check up on her after her husband died? Did he even know that Beth had been battling depression when I met her? Did he care that she had a purpose now, and a new outlook on life? She was happy. She’d moved on, rarely even bothered by his absence anymore because she had me and all the children and teachers at the preschool who adored her and would always be there for her. We were Beth’s real family.
But nowhewas back.
Beth’s eyes were so full of hope and joy when she looked at her son that it unraveled me. All I could see was the pain ahead of her. He was home until the end of January, then what? He’d leave, abandoning her.
She’d shatter, again, and I’d be the one still here, picking up the pieces as I cursed Landon’s name and his stupid handsome face.
Why the hell did he have to be so damn attractive?
After I gave him a piece of my mind, I expected to feel better but didn’t. Instead, I felt petty and ill-informed, jumping to conclusions when I still had no idea what had happened to drive Landon away. Beth refused to talk about it, so I knew it must have been horrible, whatever it was. And what did he say about coming home being difficult? If anyone should understand that, it was me.
And his eyes…
Landon’s big brown irises were drowning in pain and self-loathing, and with every angry word that crossed my lips, he winced. Those eyes poked holes right through my righteous indignation, making me feel like a bully. Desperate to get away from him, I marched across the street to the building I’d called home for the past four years. Another complex was being built next door, and I used to live in the old building that was there before they tore it down and rebuilt it.
The old building should have been condemned long before Mom and I moved into it my freshman year of high school. The walls were paper-thin, the floors had an alarming sag to them, and the heaters stopped working when the temperature outside dipped below freezing and tenants needed heat the most. Despite all the building’s problems, I’d been happy there, living with my mom until she found her most recent true love on the internet and moved across the country to be with him.
Beth and I were close, because I understood her pain. I’d been abandoned, too. I was only sixteen at the time, and I could have gone with Mom but I didn’t want to be the third wheel in her otherwise perfect little love cycle.
Especially since I knew how often the chain came off her bike, sending us barreling down the face of heartache at eighty miles per hour before crashing us into a sea of regret.
Mom didn’t have relationships, she had thrill rides.
After she’d caught her last man lifting money from her purse, I’d convinced her to step away from the bike and focus on us. We’d been doing fine without a man, and I was angry that she’d uproot our lives for someone she met on the internet. Digging my heels in, I refused to move east with her. I never expected her to choose him over me, but she surprised me.
No, she disappointed me. Again.
I stayed behind, alone in our crappy little apartment. The rent was cheap, and the neighbors knew how to mind their own business, so I hounded both of my deadbeat parents until they agreed to cover my monthly expenses, allowing me to finish high school.
By the time I was eighteen, between my scholarships and grants and part-time job, I was able to pay my own rent as I worked on my bachelor’s degree. But then at twenty, after I’d just enrolled in Seattle University to continue my education, I was evicted. Some neighbor had finally fallen through their floor and a building inspector had been called. To nobody’s surprise, the building had so many violations it had to be torn down.
Since I was working part-time at Bold Beginnings and working toward my master’s degree for the purpose of replacing the preschool’s retiring director, I approached the board and shared my sob story. They increased my salary, enabling me to move into the much nicer apartment complex next door. I only had one bedroom now, but my washer and dryer were in my unit, rather than in the basement, and falling through the floor was no longer a concern.
Now that I was finished with school and working full time, I could afford to move into a nicer place if I wanted to, but I liked living within walking distance to Beth and the school. Most of my college tuition had been covered by academic scholarships (turns out it paid to be a nerd), but I did have one small student loan. I’d been chipping away at it for the past few years, and maybe once it was paid off, I’d buy a house in the neighborhood like Beth’s. Maybe I’d even get married and cover the walls with pictures of my own kids.
My future was uncertain, but I did know one thing for sure: Long after Landon pulled his Houdini act and disappeared again, I’d still be in the High Point neighborhood of Seattle, looking after his mom.
