And when I pull in, I’m relieved to see that it seems to be quiet. It’s off the beaten path, so I didn’t think it would be crowded with tourists.
Not to mention, it’s raining, giving us an extra layer of privacy.
I cut the engine and wrap my arms around my girl, hugging her close.
“Are we there?” she asks softly, not opening her eyes.
“We’re there,” I confirm, watching as her eyelashes flutter. She looks around, her cheeks flush, and tears fill her pretty eyes. “Hey, no crying.”
“It’s our spot,” she whispers and then buries her face in my neck once more, pulling in a ragged breath. “It’s our favorite spot.”
“Yeah.” My voice is rough as my hands glide up and down her slim back. “It’s okay, baby. I hate it when you cry.”
She sniffles, then pulls back to look out the windshield. “There’s no one here.”
“It’s not summer, and it’s raining.” I shrug a shoulder. “Makes sense that it’s pretty deserted today.”
“I don’t want to swim in that cold water.”
With a grin, I brush my knuckles down her soft cheek. “Me neither. But we could take a walk. The rain has slowed down.”
She nods, and I help her maneuver so we can climb out of the cab of the truck. With her fingers linked with mine, we set off for the bank of the river.
“I used toloveit out here.” She tips her head back to take a deep breath of the clean air. “The sound of the water always drowned out the bad thoughts.”
“What kind of bad thoughts?” I ask.
But I know.
She never kept them a secret.
“About my dad,” she murmurs. She’s watching the water run, and I kick a rock out of her way. “I always held so much guilt.”
“I know.” Lifting her hand, I press my lips to her knuckles. “But it wasn’t your fault, you know.”
“I understand that now,” she replies. “But when you’re only twelve, and you come home from school to find your dad hanging in the garage, well … it felt like my fault. I took the long way walking home from school that day, and I thought if I’d gotten there sooner, I could have stopped him. Or called for help sooner.”
“That’s not true, either.”
“No.” She shakes her head and lets out another sigh. “He’d been there for some time.”
I pull my hand from hers, then loop my arm around her shoulders, tugging her into me.
I didn’t know Jules then. I mean, we went to the same school, so I knew who she was, but we weren’t friends yet. She told me about it through the years we were together, and I know that finding her father is something that she never got over.
I mean, how couldanyoneget over that? You don’t. You carry it with you forever.
It’s really the root of what eventually caused us to break up, because if she hadn’t been so paranoid, if that son of a bitch hadn’t known that it was her trigger, he never could have manipulated his way into breaking us up.
“Remember, in the summer, when we’d bring some of the younger kids out here to swim?”
I grin down at her as I let the memories flood me, and they don’t break my fucking heart. “They loved it.”
“Billie learned to swim in that spot over there.” She points at the area where the river calms, and there’s a shallow pond. “We did the back float for hours.”
“My siblings all loved you to death.”
Her smile turns melancholy. “Yeah, I loved them, too.”
