I growl. There’s no holding it in. The mere thought has me pulled tight in agitation.
And she must sense it because she reaches over and takes my hand, as if she does it every day, and it immediately soothes me.
“It’s going to be a couple of weeks of repairs.” She swallows hard. “And it’s so expensive. I didn’t want to dip into the money Justin left me, but?—”
“Whoa.” I tighten my hand in hers, frowning at her. Her eyes go wide, as if she just realized what she said. “Back up, Wildfire. What money?”
Her eyes close, and she buries her face in the pillow, letting out a little moan.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Hearing his name makes me a little unhinged, but I stay calm as I nudge her back so I can see her face. “Talk to me. I’m going to be real with you right now. Ineedto be able to move forward with you because being without you is nothing but pure hell. I suspect that we can’t do that until you fill in the past fifteen years for me. We need to put it behind us, Jules.”
“You’re going to be so mad,” she whispers.
“Maybe.” I won’t lie to her and deny it. “But we need to be honest. I can wait if you’re tired and want to go back to sleep.”
She shakes her head and rubs her free hand under her nose.
“I’d like to sit up, though.” She pushes up and leans her back against the headboard, then draws her legs up to her chest, as if she’s protecting herself. “How much do you want to know?”
“Every-fucking-thing.”
“Jesus.” She drops her forehead to her knees, and I sit up to face her, waiting patiently for her to gather her thoughts. “I think we’re both going to be mad.”
“Then we’ll be angry together.” I reach for her hand again, and she lets her legs fall, her eyes pinned to her linked fingers. “You can tell me just about anything. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Of course not. You live here.”
Her lips twitch, and I smile at her.
Those gorgeous blue eyes widen and fill with unshed tears.
“I think that’s the first time you’ve smiled at me in …God.” She shakes her head and looks away, pulling herself together. “Okay, so I’m going to talk, and you can ask questions as you have them because it’s a lot.”
“Sounds fair.”
She licks her lips, and I hold up a finger. “Hold that thought. I’m going to grab us some waters. Do you want a snack?”
“Just the water is good.”
I lean forward and kiss her cheek, then climb from the bed and rush to the kitchen, snag the bottles from the fridge, then return to her, sit on the mattress, and pass her the drink.
She watches me as she takes a sip from the bottle, then clears her throat.
“He wasjustmy friend back then,” she begins. “I never lied to you about that. He was my roommate, and he was … nice. Charming, I guess. All of us got along, and I thought he was a harmless, normal guy.”
I nod because I know this. I never suspected that she was fucking around on me with him. She wouldn’t have done that.
“That second year we lived in the house together, my senior year, it was the anniversary of my dad’s death, and I was having a hard time that day. You were at work, and my mom wasn’t answering the phone, and I felt lonely. Just a shit day, you know?”
I nod, and she takes a drink and keeps talking.
“Justin came home from class and asked me why I looked so blue, and I told him. And that’s when the suicide threats started.”
“Fuck.”
She nods. “Yep. He saw the weakness, the thing that would get my attention, and he used it for the next thirteen years.”
My heart stops, and I stare at her. “What?”
