My phone rings, breaking the mood. I can’t afford to ignore it, so I peel myself off him. I hate leaving his arms, but I stretch toward the end of the bed. I pull my phone free and look at the screen.
This is not who I want to talk to right now.
Chapter Twenty
Jorge
I know before she even answers who’s on the other end of the call. Her expression tells me everything. Then the fact she puts the phone to her ear rather than on speaker confirms it’s Bastian. I keep my expression impassive, not wanting to show how much it irritates me. But an outsider looking in would say Liesel and I are the fucked-up ones in this situation, and I don’t really have a leg to stand on to feel pissed that he’s interrupting our first post-coital bliss.
“Hallo?”
She answers in German and continues on after he greets her.
“I was rushing for the phone.”
Fuck, I bet he noted she sounds a bit breathless. I have to wonder what he’s saying to her as I sit through the silence. I’m not a fan of silence when someone else controls it. I’m happy being on my own and don’t need noise to fill my surroundings. I work best when I can utilize intimidation rather than having to physically mete out justice, so silence is my preferred tool. This might just drive me crazy.
The urge to catastrophize creeps back into my mind. It’s been years since I’ve had to fight the urge so frequently. I feel myself growing anxious as I wait for Liesel to reply. I breathe through my increasing heart rate until I calm.
“Thank you for checking on me, Bastian. We’re all fine.”
He says something that makes her brow furrow.
“That’s none of your business. We aren’t together anymore.”
Liesel remains at the far end of the bed, and I’m certain it’s to keep me from hearing any of her ex-boyfriend’s side of the conversation. I’ve noticed her habit of biting the left corner of her lower lip when she’s too anxious to be aware of showing her emotions. I offer her what I hope is a reassuring nod. I see some of the strain leave her face, but she’s certainly not as relaxed as she was a few moments ago when she was draped across my body.
“Bastian, we’ve discovered things about each other we don’t care for, and they are insurmountable. You left, and I told you what would happen if you did. That wasn’t about having time to cool off. You made your choice, and it wasn’t to support me or my family when I needed you. This has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with just you. You don’t like what you decided, and now you regret your choice, but that’s entirely too bad.”
She remains quiet for a moment before offering me a reassuring smile. She’s placed her trust in me earlier, and now it’s my turn to reciprocate. I have to have faith she won’t go back to him. Nothing she’s said so far makes me think she will, but to my core, I am a realist. I know that when all of this ends and whatever new normal appears, she may decide she acted rashly, and I’m not who she wants after all. As a person plagued with enough self-doubt on my own without various situations adding to it, I am familiar with these niggling questions anduncertainty. Fortunately, I know how to push past them, so I employ all those learned skills right now.
Liesel takes the phone from her ear and puts the call on speaker. I don’t know if it’s to avoid feeling like she’s being rude, or she fears I might think she’s keeping secrets, or she wants moral support because of what he’s saying now. Hearing his voice on the phone makes my hands fist, a reaction I usually control, but it gets the better of me this time.
“You ended this just so you could fuck that piece of shit mafioso. What? Did you think his dick would be bigger than mine, so you wanted to go for a ride? You’re going to regret this choice when he goes back to the States, and you’re left behind with nothing and nobody. He’s probably behind all of this anyway. You’ll have no one to blame but yourself when he gets you injured. Do you think I’ll cry over your grave when he gets you killed?”
I can’t disagree there’s truth to what he’s saying at the end. I know there is. Even after this ends, danger will be ever-present in Liesel’s life now that she’s with me. I observe her expression and body language as Bastian continues. She’s tense and scowling off into space. It’s clear she hates what he’s saying, but I know she’s intelligent enough to recognize the partial truths in what he’s spewing.
“Bastian, enough. Jorge has nothing to do with this. It was about your choice not to support me and take my side in all of this.”
“He has everything to do with it. Even if he’s not responsible for this, you chose him first.”
“I chose a friend who has the means to help. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want you there beside me.”
It’s my turn to look away. That’s hardly what I want to hear. Liesel crawls back to me and cups my cheek and shakes her head. I get what she’s trying to convey. It doesn’t mean shedidn’t want him there. It also doesn’t mean she did. She’s trying to make a point about his failure as a boyfriend. I get that. I remind myself of how conflicted she must feel. This isn’t clean cut for her.
I have no one else to consider or worry about. I have nothing to leave behind like she does. I wish it were as simple for her as it is for me.
Could she have chosen me out of convenience? Was the spark of attraction already there, and then her need for my help, coupled with physical desire, be the reason why we wound up where we are? I don’t believe so. Sex wouldn’t have been the way it just was if that were the case. But it’s hard not to question this entire situation.
“Bastian, I won’t argue with you over this. There’s no going back. I want you to move out. If you refuse, then I want you to take over the lease.”
She offers me a tentative smile as she mouths,I know I’m moving out anyway.
Could she have already considered and decided to move back to America with me?
“Don’t worry, I’ve already started boxing things up. I don’t want to be here the next time you are.”
“So, what was the point of this call, Bastian? Were you trying to trick me into admitting something to beg for you when you have no intention of reconciling? Or are you packing because you’re having a tantrum?”
