Liesel
I’m ready to throttle Bastian. He’s being jealous, and it’s not at all appealing right now. He’s never been possessive, to the point that I’ve sometimes wondered if he even cares. But right now, he’s holding on to me as though I’m his favorite toy he’s worried Jorge will snatch away from him. I need to end this fucking conversation and let Jorge get back to examining Papa’s computer again.
He already went through mine. He found more questionable emails in the encrypted account, which he sent to his brother. Then he got into the rest of the banking information available on my computer. He connected his and mine and ran a program I didn’t recognize or understand. He’s been evasive ever since, and I want to demand answers.
That attitude won’t get us anywhere. Perhaps if we were alone, I could push him to tell me more. But if I do anything like that in front of Bastian, he’ll seize the opportunity to interrogate Jorge. I don’t need them in a pissing match right now. What I need is Bastian to stay seated and shut the fuck up and just holdme. His hug almost made the world feel right again, except it doesn’t have the same reassurance it once did.
Not after the way Jorge’s held me.
Then Bastian tried to pick a fight with Jorge rather than listen to our story. I don’t like where his priorities lie right now. It feels selfish rather than caring and understanding—which is what I need—which is what Jorge’s been. Even when he’s questioned me, I’ve never doubted his support, whereas Bastian feels like he’ll storm out if he doesn’t get what he wants.
My stomach’s in knots even more than it was before as I listen to the two men argue. My heart breaks all over again, and my head’s ringing like a church bell. I am growing more discomfited and annoyed with Bastian as I listen to him going back and forth with Jorge. The latter reassures us all he wants is Papa to live, yet Bastian hasn’t asked any questions about whether he thinks Papa’s alive.
He hasn’t tried to reassure me everything will be okay. No one believes it will be, but he could at least try to be sympathetic, if not empathetic. Jorge watches me, and I can tell he knows I’m getting more and more upset by the moment.
“How about the two couples go to the adjoining suite and get settled in? You’ll find everything you could need there.”
Jorge’s mother’s friend stopped by my apartment and Heidi’s. She grabbed clothing for all of us before she went over toMuttiand Papa’s house to gather things for her. Heidi and I gave her a list for our boyfriends. I know that’ll freak them both out. Hopefully, Heidi and I can reassure them enough that they see the practicality of it. Otherwise, it’ll be disconcerting that a stranger went into our places and rummaged through our belongings.
Heidi and Friedrich follow Bastian and me as we go into the hallway, then next door. I already have the keycard for the room. We look around, and it doesn’t take long for Heidi and Friedrichto close a bedroom door. I’m certain they have more to discuss. I lead Bastian back into the bedroom that’ll be ours and shut us in.
“Why are you being like this?”
“What do you mean? How am I being?”
“Bastian, the defensiveness. Why are you being like this? Jorge’s just offered to help.”
“Really? Because he looks like he wants to suck your pussy.”
“Bastian, that’s disgusting! How can you say something like that?”
“Because it looks like he wants to fuck you into next week.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
I’m positive Jorge’s expression hasn’t given that away. Just the opposite. It’s not like he’s trying too hard to pretend there’s nothing between us. His expression and his tone toward me have been just as casual and somewhat impersonal as it has been toward Heidi and Friedrich.
Bastian’s seeing things that aren’t there, but I suppose he senses it. That or he’s trying to stir trouble because he feels insecure. Maybe it’s not even insecurity, and it’s just he’s pissed off that he isn’t the center of attention for whatever rescue mission we might devise. Whatever his reasoning, it’s pissing me off even more.
“Look, Bastian, you can either support me or not, but I won’t argue with you, and I won’t listen to you argue with Jorge. He’s been nothing but kind. He doesn’t have to help us, but he’s spent the last two days trying to figure all of this out. He’s asked his brother all the way back in the States to give up his time as well. They’ve both been working nonstop to help us figure this out. If you can’t appreciate that, then I don’t want to hear you say anything at all. You may not trust Jorge, but you need to be fine with his decisions because it’s not your choice.”
Bastian gives in with a loud sigh and a shake of his head. I head into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I’m exhausted andjust want to forget today existed. Not that I can forget it any better than I can what happened yesterday. My mom, Heidi, and I already had dinner. Jorge picked at his food a little, but he didn’t order a full meal like my family and I did. It’s late enough, I’m positive Bastian and Friedrich have already eaten as well.
I came in here earlier and unpacked, laying out our toiletries on the counter. It’s reassuring to have my toothbrush and my hairbrush. I take care of everything in the bathroom, then head to the dresser and grab pajamas.
“How the hell are those here?”
Bastian comes to stand over my shoulder, peering into the drawer, seeing not only my pajamas, but some of my bras and panties. He also sees his boxers.
“Jorge’s mother’s best friend lives here in Frankfurt. He’s known her ever since he was born. She went to our place and Heidi’s to gather things for all of us before she went toMutti’s.”
“You just let a stranger into our apartment?”
“I did because right now what I want is to be as comfortable as possible. I want clean clothes and clean teeth so that I’m not sitting in my own filth and misery.”
Perhaps I’m exaggerating a little, but that’s the way I feel. Bastian’s only putting me on edge more and more. He huffs but stays quiet for once. He goes into the bathroom and gets ready for bed as well. We climb under the covers, and he tries to pull me closer.
I consider the distraction, but I really just don’t have the energy for all of this right now. His tone softens as he whispers in my ear, and I feel myself easing back into what seems normal with him.
