I’ve never had thoughts of dominance and submission before. Sure, I like it when Bastian holds my hands over my head or gives me a spank or two during sex. But that’s playful more than anything else.
If I ask Jorge what he means by that, it’ll show it intrigues me far more than it should. That I might consider it. From the way he’s looking at me, he knows my innermost thoughts. Ones I don’t want him to read.
Yes, you do. You want to feel that seen. You want someone who just knows you. Someone you don’t have to explain your feelings to, knowing he’ll listen but won’t truly get it. It’s why you accepted the spanking and crave more of them.
Something about Jorge makes me want to confide my deepest fears. That scares the fucking shit out of me.
What if this is all manipulations?
“Chiquita, if I didn’t mean this, I wouldn’t put all of this on the line. I wouldn’t suggest there’s more between us because that means bringing you into my life. Bringing you deeper into this world. I wish that weren’t the case. But if there were anything between us, it would bring even more danger to your life. I’ll do anything to protect you, regardless.”
I study his expression. There’s an openness in his gaze that’s never been there before. I know he’s been sincere since we got here. Even his arrogance is sincere. However, what I see now is vulnerability I don’t think he’d fake. His life depends on never showing that. Not ever.
The longer I observe him, the more I sense a growing anxiety simmering beneath the surface. He’s nervous. He doesn’t want me to see that. It’s not obvious. I can just tell. I think I see him in a way he doesn’t allow others to. Certainly, no one outside his family. It feels special.
“I think I’ve known that all along. Thank you.”
He brushes the back of his fingers along my left cheek. Then he lets me go, and the real world comes rushing back in. I’m bereft of his touch. I’m drifting without mooring when I’m out of his embrace. It’s like being dropped into freezing water after being beside a toasty fireplace. The man generates a ton of heat. That alone comforted me.
“Try to get some sleep.”
I nod before looking toward the sofa. “You don’t have a pillow or a blanket.”
“I have some work to do.”
“You can’t do that all night. You need sleep too, Jorge.”
“I will once I’m done. I’ll be fine.”
“Bullshit. Let me get a pillow and blanket. There’s bound to be extra in my room. Hang on.”
“Chica—”
“No.”
My resistance makes him grin. He nods, and I turn toward the bedrooms. I feel like I’m slinking back into my room after doing something I wasn’t supposed to. Having another man hold me, try to seduce me—at the very least arouse me—was completely wrong. I know it, yet I didn’t stop it. I barely held on to any sense of morality and didn’t accept what he offered. His honorable refusal to push us to do more made my heart swell. I gained even more respect for him.
I slip into the bedroom, not quite closing the door all the way, but keeping any light from shining in Heidi’s face. I open the closet and find what I’m looking for. I creep out again and walk back into the living room. I leave the bedding at the end of the sofa. Jorge’s already back at his laptop. He looks up at me and nods.
“Sleep well, little one.”
He calls me that along withchiquitaandchica.
It’s presumptuous as fuck.
It’s inappropriate.
It makes me happy.
I wish I had a pet name for him. I called him Jorgito twice. It was condescending at the time because I was upset with him. I don’t remember over what. But now I wish I had something equally sweet to call him. But that only encourages a connection we shouldn’t have. It’s already bad enough without fostering it on both sides.
I strip off my clothes and climb into bed beside Heidi. She stirs, but she says nothing. I listen for a moment and know she isn’t pretending. She’s dead to the world. I take a few minutes to settle my mind, then I drift into dreamless sleep.
“I have to call Bastian, Jorge. It’s been nearly a full day. I need to tell him something. Heidi has to do the same for Friedrich. We both called in sick already, so it bought us the day. But our boyfriends are going to wonder what’s going on since it’s not the weekend.”
“I know. You both need to be selective about what you say.”
“Can’t we have them come here?”
