She slides her hand along my stubble until her thumb and fingers slide around my ear. Her nails gently graze my scalp as her thumb rubs my cheek.
“I rather like you with this more than just a five o’clock shadow.”
I haven’t shaved in a couple days, so my beard’s growing in. Fortunately, it’s always been even growth, not in patches.
“Jorge, I want to spend the rest of my life being the one who enjoys touching your beard. My emotions are still a jumble, but I’m clear about that. I don’t know how best to describe them. However, certainty is there. I haven’t had that with any man in my past. If I had, I’d be with them. I wouldn’t have been drawn to you. I understand what you’re telling me about your duties. I know you can never leave this lifestyle.”
“You’re right, but it’s more than just a lifestyle, Liesel. That almost implies I want things this way. I don’t. None of my family would pick this if we were given a choice. If any of us attempted to leave, we’d make ourselves targets to the rest of the syndicates. My family would never agree to that, so it would make them targets too. Our lives are only safe because we sticktogether. Family is everything to us, to our very core, and from that, loyalty, honor, and duty drive us.”
I watch her reactions as intently as I do when I’m conducting an inquisition on someone. I don’t want to miss a single blink, flinch, or twitch of a smile.
“Not only would it be impossible for any of us to extricate ourselves safely, we also know what life would be like for the people who rely on us if another family led. None of us want to create that kind of hardship and misery for people who have very few means to provide for themselves or protect themselves without us.”
“I never considered it that way, Jorge. I can guess what things your family does that’re on the wrong side of the law. I’m certain most people wouldn’t view your situation the way you described it. They’d probably look down on you and deem what you do not just illegal, but immoral. That you have a choice, but I understand now that you don’t. Nothing about you that I’ve gotten to know makes me believe you enjoy what you do, but I can’t deny how I’ve benefited.”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,chiquita. If that means using the resources and means I have, then no one will stop me.”
As we gaze into each other’s eyes, I feel like there’s still more she wants to say. I wonder if she wishes she could share the same sentiments I have. Perhaps she’s as nervous about revealing her feelings as I am. If that’s the case, hopefully, the right time and place will come along soon, so we can both be confident enough to do that.
“Jorge, what does a typical day look like for you? You mentioned some of your businesses, but is there anything else? Are there any others?”
“Yes, quite a few. Normally, I get up and meet my family to work out. More often than not, it’s atTíoEnrique’s in NewJersey because he has the biggest gym since he has the largest basement. But we still take turns since all of us have home gyms. Most of us squeeze in a second workout sometime in the afternoon or evening. Some days, I stop byMamá’sto see how she’s doing and if she needs anything. Joaquin and Javier do that too. At least one night a week, my brothers and I have dinner with her. Madeline joins us now, and I hope you will too. Most Sundays, we get together as an entire family for lunch or dinner. During the week, I share at least one meal—sometimes two—with my cousins or brothers. It’s mostly lunch since our work overlaps so frequently. Now thatTíoEnrique, Javier, and Pablo are in relationships, they don’t have dinner with others as often.TíaCatalina andTíoMatáis almost always have dinner together. That’s the same way forTíoLuis andTíaMargherita whenTíoLuis is home. I look forward to having dinner with you most nights,chiquita.”
There are a lot of people in my family, and I know how confusing it is. But Liesel seems to remember my family tree, and it feels good to know she’s taken enough interest to learn how we’re all related.
Her smile is one of relief. It saddens me to know she’s leaving her family and all her friends here behind for me. I’ve never really done that. I went away to Rhode Island when I attended Brown for undergrad and to Connecticut when I went to Yale for grad school. However, I was close enough to easily come back to New York to see my family or to help with any missions where they needed me.
“Chica, you might appreciate talking to Florencia since she recently moved back to the States. She was there for college and grad school then worked for a few years before returning to Colombia when her mom got cancer. She’ll understand what it’s like for you since you’re returning after so many years. I assumeyou still have friends there from grad school. Maybe you could reconnect with them.”
“I can do that?” She sounds shocked that I’d agree to—let alone suggest—she be with people outside of my family.
“Yes, little one, you can socialize with whomever you want. I ask that you be discreet in what you say to other people, and I hate asking you to lie like I will, but it might be necessary. The only thing I’ll insist upon is a safety detail for you. Wherever you decide to work—if that’s what you want to do—we’ll establish a routine with regular guys as your guards. But if anything deviates from your routine, then I want one of the men in my immediate family with you if I can’t be there.”
“Someone from your family? Is that going to inconvenience them?”
“No. It’s always been that way, even withMamáand mytías. The men and I often have bodyguards too. There’s no one I trust with your safety more than the men in my family. I’d prefer there always be a man with you purely for size, speed, and strength. But if a situation ever happens where you’re only withMamáor mytías, you can trust they’ll protect you as though you’re their own child. The women in my family are?—”
I consider how to phrase this without freaking her out.
“Jorge?”
“The women in my family are well trained to this life.Mamá,TíaCatalina, andTíaMargherita grew up in cartel families. It’s all they’ve ever known.TíaElle has syndicate connections. Florencia’s family was cartel adjacent—if you will—in Colombia. Madeline’s past relationship and her sister’s marriage have brought her into syndicate life before she became involved with Javier. Her sister?—”
I want to run my hand over my face since we’re about to get into even more complicated family trees.
“Yes?”
“Madeline and Laura grew up next door to Pablo. They were practically his sisters. Laura married the head of the Russian bratva, Maksim Kutsenko. Maksim is my brother’s brother-in-law.”
Liesel’s eyes widen, and her jaw drops open.
“How does that work for family holidays?”
I grimace. “Madeline and Laura’s parents will take turns for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. Whichever couple isn’t hosting goes to the other family, but only the couple. So, Maks and Laura will sometimes come to my family for the holidays, but the rest of Laura’s in-laws will do their own thing. Just like there will be times when Javier and Madeline will go to the Kutsenkos for a holiday, but only they go. Laura’s best friend and her best friend’s sister married brothers in the Mancinelli family. It gets even more complicated since they go on double dates.”
“Don’t the men—um—well—” She’s flustered, and it’s rather adorable.
“No, the men don’t try to kill each other when they’re with their wives and children. However, there’s no guarantee something couldn’t happen when it’s just the men together. We’re all too senior to target each other anymore, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t situations where one of us could get hurt or worse. It depends on how things evolve or unravel. Either. Both.”
