“Then we talk about it and plan together. But I’ll always respect your wishes, Flora. You have more say in this than I do. I won’t trap you into a relationship you don’t want. But I also don’t want children out of wedlock.”
“Is that because you need an heir or because you’re Catholic?”
“No, I’m not worried about an heir.TíoEnrique proves thejefedoesn’t have to have a son to inherit. I have four cousins who may have sons at some point. There’s bound to be another Diaz in line to bejefeafter I’m gone. But yes, as lapsed a Catholic as I am, I admit that’s part of why. I’ve also watched Carmine Mancinelli grow up with a dysfunctional set of parents who are better off now that they’re separated. However, his life was hard enough because his mom got pregnant at nineteen. Her father, the old don, and her father-in-law forced her and Carmine’s father to marry. I can guess how much worse his life would’ve been if they hadn’t married at all.”
She leans back against me and sighs. I feel her head nod against my chin as I continue.
“Not everyone in our branch is as forward-thinking as my family is. No one in my family would hold it against us if we didn’t marry but had children. However, I don’t want to make life hard for my kids. Even if any sons stayed out of the Cartel,they’d still be around it. I don’t want daughters with that stigma any more than I would sons. What about you?”
“I feel the same way. My children’ll inherit nothing substantial from my father’s side of the family despite their influence. My mother’s side has money but no power. However, there’re plenty of people on both sides of my family who are still old-fashioned. It definitely wasn’t easy growing up with a mother who never married my father. Even though he was dead, it was rough. She didn’t have the respect of being a widow. There were things said to her and to me over the years that confirmed I want to be married if and when I have children.”
“What do you want to do? I can pull out, or we can abstain.”
It’s my turn to lean back so I can see her. She looks about as thrilled at those solutions as I feel. I brush my lips against hers.
“Chiquita, do you want me to pull out?”
Her expression shows how conflicted she feels. I’m certain her emotions mirror mine until we both shake our heads. I may have asked her, but I’m wondering whether I want to.
“Pablo, I’m thirty-four. I’m not getting any younger. I know plenty of women these days have babies well into their forties, but it still doesn’t change the risks associated with advanced maternal age. You’re a trained biologist, just like me. You know what I know, even if neither of us are geneticists. We’ve talked about a future together, even if it hasn’t been specific. We know there’s something between us that won’t go away.”
“You’re right, Flora, and I don’t believe this is just the result of being trapped in houses together. Or because we’re relying on each other.”
“I don’t know that you rely on me that much, Pablo, but I’m definitely relying on you.”
“I told you yesterday how you make me feel. I’ve definitely come to rely on you, little one.”
“Then, do we take our chances? I have no idea how fertile I might be, if at all.”
“I don’t know either. I could shoot blanks for all I know.”
I flash her a smile, and she relaxes. We both know she could get pregnant. We accept that, but neither of us has said we love each other. It’s odd to think of marriage and a family without having said that. I’m positive neither of us is there yet, but it’s inevitable. We just need to stay alive long enough to have time.
Chapter Seventeen
Flora
We’ve been here two weeks.
Pablo and I are getting a bit stir crazy, but we aren’t bickering or anything. We sense when the other needs some space, so we find things to do on our own. I enjoy curling up on the sofa and reading. Apparently, his mom and I have similar tastes in books: psychological thrillers. His newtíais an amazing author, so I’ve devoured all her books. Turns out Margherita’s been reading them for years. Long before Enrique met her.
While I read, if he isn’t pouring over some scientific journal on his phone, he gets a deck of cards to play solitaire and a couple other solo card games. They’re all patience and logic games. I noticed he often sets a timer or stopwatch. I sense these were games his father ortíostaught him to train him to think fast and make decisive choices.
He’s admitted he’s highly competitive but mostly with himself. With so many other guys around his age in his family, there was always a potential rival. But they worked as a team more often than they competed against each other. Apparently, they saved rivalries for the other syndicate families. They playedpeewee through high school sports with and against the other major syndicate kids. Sometimes they were teammates, and sometimes they were opponents. Fucked-up world he grew up in where you can be friends with someone until you’re twelve and get your first weapon—a pocketknife. Then you become enemies who try to kill each other.
I’ve been catching up on some shows I love that are a couple seasons behind in Colombia. He’ll go to the expansive full gym in the other half of the basement. It’s nearly as large as the pool area. It has everything from free weights to machines along with cardio equipment. He works out at least once a day, if not twice.
The pool is wide enough for both of us to swim, so we head down there every day at least once.
He’s magnificent.
All rippling muscles.
There isn’t a stroke he hasn’t mastered. Apparently, he was an open-water lifeguard on the Jersey Shore when he was a teenager and during his college summers. I bet plenty of people on those beaches who saw him had the same dirty thoughts I have. I’m a strong swimmer too, and he callsmi reina sirena. My mermaid queen.
We enjoy our workout and then frolic in the water. Not a bad way to start our morning before we even have breakfast. He’ll head out to the pool on the patio. We haven’t turned on the heat yet, so he takes an ice plunge while I have my first cup of coffee. I watch him but run away when he’s headed back inside. He caught me unprepared the first time. He slid my robe off and hugged me. It was like having an iceberg pressed against me. No, thank you!
We plan to heat the water for tonight because there’s a new moon, so the stars should be extra bright.
