She lands the final spin and comes to a graceful stop in the center of the ice. Then she collapses onto the ice, hands bracing herself, chest heaving. She stays like that. I don’t know for howlong, but my worry that she’s hurt herself moves me out of the shadows.
She slowly lifts her head. And she spots me.
I don’t move.
Nor does she.
And for a brief moment, we’re frozen in time. The silence stretching between us.
Then I push forward, walking toward her, not speaking until I’m at the edge of the rink. I’m not even sure what I can say that’ll make sense. “It’s you…”
She blinks. “What?”
“The video,” I say, like that’ll explain everything. “Fuck... For years I’ve watched it to...to help. The same routine. The same music. The same Tinkerbell outfit. It’s you.”
Avelina swallows, and an unreadable expression crosses her face. She glides toward me, her skates making a soft scratching noise on the ice. “You’ve...seen my routine?” she asks quietly. “It was a closed competition. I mean, I know someone recorded it, and it got online somehow and got a lot of views at one point.” She smiles sadly. “I remember the day that video was taken. It seems like a lifetime ago…”
The silence beats between us. “I saved the video. And I know every step and move by now.” I admit. “It helps... It just helps.”
She looks at me with a strange look, and my heart hammers in my chest. Did I mess this up? Does she think I’m some fucking weird stalker now? “You’ve memorized my routine?”
“Every second.”
We stare at each other for a moment before her eyes shimmer with a soft sheen of tears. “Skating used to make me feel alive. Feel invincible.Feel like I was flying.But that joy is gone now. And it’s gone forever. That...that girl doesn’t exist anymore.”
My brow puckers. I’m looking right at her. Of course, she does. “She does.”
“No. Not like that.”
I shake my head. “What I just saw tells me she does.”
Her gaze lowers. “It feels like a different life.”
“Maybe it is,” I say. “But it’s still yours.”
She steps off the ice. I want to reach out. To pull her toward me. But I don’t. Instead, I grip the railing by my side.
“How’d you even find me, Viktor?”
“I’m good at what I do.”
Her brow arches as her lips tug up. Not quite the beaming sunshine I’m used to, but it still manages to make my body feel tight, an unknown emotion skittering through me. “Noted.”
“You shouldn’t come alone, Avelina.”
“It’s just for a couple of hours.”
“It’s not safe. And I want—” I clear my throat, unsure how to even say this. “Ineedyou to be safe.”
She doesn’t say anything, just sits on the bench to unlace her skates.
As I stare at her, studying her, all I can think is that it really is Tinkerbell from the video. And it all makes sense...or it makes more sense than it did.That lightness I feel around her.
I feel something when I’m watching her and when I’m with her.
Whatever it is, I want more.
And I want to be found normal. To be found complete and not different than the world. And when she looks at me like this, I almost believe it. Can almost dare to hope someone would accept me as I am.
