He gives me time to compose myself.
My fingers twist in my lap. “It was from before. Before I came to the States. Before I met Geliy or you.”
I know he’s listening, so I carry on.
“I was eleven…” My voice is distant, like I’m telling someone else’s story and not mine. “Living in an orphanage just outside Moscow. But one day, these men came… They said they were taking us for a treat.A treat.That’s what they called it.” I let out a humorless laugh. “We piled into the luxurious car, a few of us. But the rink they took us to wasn’t about skating for fun. They were selecting us. They picked me. And two other girls. They told us we’d be living at an academy from then on.”
I look at Viktor, and he looks at me. The air feels heavier now.
“It wasn’t what I thought it’d be,” I continue. “They called it training.But it was…something like punishment. Every fall made you a complete failure in their eyes. Every mistake meant even longer hours on the ice and drills until your legs shook so bad you couldn’t stand. And if you still couldn’t do it right…” I swallow, my insides aching with the memory. “They made examples of you. The beatings were so…brutal that I’d be left unable to breathe without pain.”
Viktor’s hand clenches.
“You learned fast not to cry or show your tears. That meant you were weak, and weakness was something they…broke out of you by force.”
The muscle in his jaw tightens.
“The scars behind my shoulder… One is from when Gennady shoved me back against a rusty locker. The metal from a broken hinge tore through my skin like a blade.”
“That’s why the scar is ragged and not a clean slice like from a knife,” Viktor murmurs.
“The metal was dirty and rusted. The wound got infected, but they wouldn’t give me antibiotics. They only gave the antibiotics after I got a fever so bad that I couldn’t even stand.” I take a deep swallow. “Two of the other scars are from when Gennady threw me up against a full-length mirror in the locker room. He threw me so hard that the glass smashed behind me.” A shudder rushes through me. “I can still hear the glass shattering in my mind. There were embedded glass fragments in my skin. But he just left me lying in the broken glass as he carried on kicking me in my ribs. Because he thought I wasn’ttrying hard enoughduring training… I still have some nerve sensitivity there. Those scars stayed red and angry for a long time. I wasn’t even given a tetanus shot—but they did give me stitches that time because there was so much blood.” I shake my head, trying to get rid of the bad memories. “And then they made me pay for the damage to the mirror. But we weren’t paid except for being given a bed in the academy dorms and food, so…” My voice drops to a whisper. “So, they gave me a lot less food every day for the next month until they said I’d paid off my debt.”
Viktor is horrified as he listens.
My gaze shifts to my hands. “For the next few weeks, I was so hungry every single day. But I still had to train through the pain and the hunger. And they strictly controlled our food rations and drastically cut our calories when they said we were…too fat and needed to lose weight. By eighteen, I just…I couldn’t do it anymore. I had a breakdown on the ice in the middle of a competition. They threw me out.”
The ache in my throat burns. “There was one coach who sought me out afterward. She was the only one who was ever kind to me, although any kindness had to be shown in secret so that she didn’t get into trouble. She bought me a one-way ticket to the States. She said I could pay her back after I found a job there. So, I came. I found job after job, and after a while, I met Geliy.” I pause, my chest clenching tight. “When Eric cornered me tonight, it wasn’t just him. It wasallof them. All the men who ever touched me. Who told me I didn’t get a say in my own body. I hate that it still lives in me. That after all this time, I still froze up. And I—” My voice breaks, but I have to get it all out. It’s like the dam has broken. “I know I’m too curvy. Too…everything. My thighs are chunky, my boobs are huge, and my hips and ass are too big—it’s all too much. And it’s been worse since I had the children. I wobble in places I shouldn’t. I have stretch marks that weren’t there before. And I’m way…heavier than when I was training at the skating academy.”
“Hey.” He tilts my face up so that he can look me in the eye. “Don’t ever say that again.”
I blink, startled. “But I know I’m not beautiful. Gennady said I was fat?—”
“Beautiful? You’re fuckingstunning, Avelina. Your grace when you glide across the ice, your elegance when you do those endless spins, and the way you fly through the air like an angel when you jump. Fuck me, you’re utterperfection.And I think I was in love with you from the moment I first saw you skating in that video.” He pauses for a moment before carrying on. “It sounds to me like you were massively underweight when you were training in Russia. Because now, all you look is healthy and perfect. You have no idea what youlook like through my eyes. You’restunning. Every single inch of you. The way your body fits against mine like it was made for me. The way your curves move when you laugh. The way your thighs squeeze around me when I hold you.”
My lip trembles, and he brushes his thumb across it. “You think those things make you too much? They’re the things I crave. The things that ruin me. You’re not too much—you’reeverything. And I want all of you if you’ll let me have it.”
My eyes widen as I struggle to take in his words. “But you could haveanyone,” I murmur, my voice small. “All these women who work in your compound. They’re all so perfect and…slim. I see the way they look at you. And then there’s me. Why would you even look twice at someone with a body like mine?”
“You think I want them?” he growls. “You think I want plastic smiles and hollow eyes that look right through me? Those women are invisible to me.Because all I ever see is you.”
My breath catches, but he doesn’t stop. “Every part of your body is perfect. Your thighs are my undoing, your ass makes me lose control, and your boobs make me think I’ve died and gone to heaven. I look at you because you’rereal. Because you blush when I stare too long. Because you care about people even when they don’t deserve it. Because you possess beauty, softness, and heart.That’s what I see.”
I shake my head. “But my body?—”
“Is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever touched,” he interrupts gently. “Do you have any idea what you do to me? The way I lose my mind when you walk into a room? The way I can’t focus when you bite your lip or push your hair behind your ear?”
My tears spill over now. He cups my face, his thumb brushing them away. “Those other girls might turn heads,” he says softly. “But you? Youstopmy entire world and turn it upside down. You’re not background noise—you’re the whole damn song.”
I let out a shaky laugh, and he kisses my forehead.
His hand rests over mine. His skin is warm.Grounding. “And you survived everything,” he says quietly. “And you didn’t let it take away your sunshine.”
I look at him, really look this time, and there’s no judgment or pity in his eyes. Just the same steady resolve I saw in the conference room.
Something cracks wide open inside me.
Not breaking or crumbling. But like roots taking hold through a sidewalk.
