I wanted to say yes. But I couldn’t do it. I still can’t imagine stepping away from this life I’ve built. From the structure and routines that keep my brain from splintering apart.
Without those things, I’d fall apart.
Or so I thought.
But maybe…I was just afraid.Afraid of not being enough.
Later, I should be working in the office. But I need air. I walk the compound aimlessly, though my steps lead me to the garage. The keys to my SUV hang by the door.
I don’t think.
I just move. I quickly get what I need, put it in the SUV, and drive.
I put a GPS tracker on her car when she was at risk from Gennady—and it’s still there. The dot blinks on my phone on the dashboard. It’s parked at their apartment.
I keep driving, and my heart lodges in my throat when I pull into the parking lot.
I spot Sofia first, sitting next to the empty stroller in the apartment block’s small front yard. Her shoulders are hunched and eyes a little puffy. Avelina is holding Leon as he reaches out to grab a leaf from a bush.
My gaze moves down to the passenger seat beside me. To whom I’ve brought with me. Queenie lifts her head lazily, then meows.
“Me too,” I whisper.
I step out slowly, crossing the lot before I can talk myself out of this.
Leon squeals as he sees me.
“Queenie!” Sofia gasps as she lifts her head and spots me.
She’s running to me before I even kneel to the ground.
I crouch and slowly pass her the cat.
Queenie lets out a contended purr and adjusts herself in Sofia’s arms.Just like she was never gone to start with.
My throat burns. “She seemed like she was missing you,” I say softly.
Sofia nods fiercely, a tear slipping down her small face. “I missed her too.”
I gather my thoughts before I speak again as I remain on the ground next to her. “Even with people around you, I know it’s hard to connect with them a lot of the time. Queenie helped me once. When I thought I couldn’t cope with things… Maybe she’ll help you too.” I get the feeling that Queenie is what this little girl needs. Queenie taught me how to connect with others—and I want Sofia to be able to learn that too.
“Viktor, are you…still my bestie?” Sofia asks in a small voice.
I gulp down the emotion lodged in my throat. “Of course. Always,” I murmur.
“Best friends forever,” she replies.
I think about it for a few moments. “Best friendsfurever,” I say, earning a small giggle from her.
And after some hesitation, she takes a small step forward and rubs her nose against mine. Swiftly and softly. “Good. You’re still my bestie,” she whispers with a wobbly smile. “And you’re the one I want to give nose boops to.”
I know how hard it is for her to touch and be touched, and the fact that she’s doing this lights up my heart with lots of love and gallons of grief all rolled into one.
I stand slowly.
And that’s when Avelina’s gaze locks with mine.
At that moment, everything else falls away.
