“The score for love. Say iflikingsomeone is around a six out of ten feeling, andcaringabout them might be an eight out of ten feeling, doeslovingthem have to be a ten out of ten feeling? Or does it have to score even more than a ten?”
He studies me for a long moment. I’m almost sure I’ve described it wrong and need to try again. Or that he thinks I’m a complete idiot for having to ask this in the first place. He folds his arms. “You’re trying to quantify an emotion, Viktor?”
“Yeah.”
He drags a hand across his jaw as he thinks hard. “Love isn’t really about any sort of number to reach. It’s about…who you’d call when everything falls apart. Who makes you want to be better. Who makes things feel calm and quiet in your head, not anxious or stressed.”
I mull it over. “I think I’m…there.”
His gaze narrows. “With Avelina?”
I nod.
“Then why are you asking about numbers, Viktor?”
“Because what if I’m wrong? What if I mess up? What if I think I’m doing okay, but I just break something instead? I don’t get it. The emotional stuff. I can fake it, I guess…but I don’t want to with her.”
Grigory looks at me for a few moments. “Then you keep showing up. You keep trying. That’s all love is. Trying when it’s hard. Showing up when it matters.”
I chew the inside of my cheek. “I’m not used to this.”
“No one is. You just gotta take it one day at a time, Vik.”
“Yeah, one day at a time.” I echo softly.
But the knot in my chest won’t untangle.
Because I wantthis. I wanther. I want thewhole family. I want Sofia to keep calling me her bestie and giving me those nose boops. I want Leon’s face to keep lighting up whenever he sees me. And I want Avelina to keep looking at me like I’m not just some big mistake.
But deep down, I know I’m going to get it wrong. I’m still worried that what’s inside me—the way I see the world and the way my brainworks—will be too much or not enough for her. That I’m never going to be the type of man someone like her deserves.
Grigory dips his chin. “You’ll figure it out. You’ve got this.”
But I’m not so sure I will.
It’s a thought I can’t shake, no matter how hard I try.
And I know that if I don’t figure it out, the failure might just completely ruin me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
AVELINA
I’m getting more confident in my office work as the days fly by. And today, I’m standing in front of a filing cabinet in the office when Viktor comes in and closes the door.
He strides over and runs his hand up my thigh. “Christ, Avelina, the things you do to me.”
“Good things?” I ask in a breathy voice.
He jerks my hips against his so I can feel how hard he is. His eyes scald me with a hunger I can’t ignore. And his mouth on my throat is making my world spin out of control.
He kisses me again and again as I grip his muscled arms. “I want you, and I’m going to have you,” he growls.
What, right here?My gaze darts toward the office door—the top panel has clear glass. He must be able to read my mind because he pushes me down to my knees and nods. “Show me how much you want me.”
He’s looking at me like I’m the source of all the pleasure he’s ever known. I undo his belt, then his pants as he watches me, stroking through my hair, along my jaw, and under my chin. My eyes flick again to the clear glass. I want him as much as he wants me, but… “What if someone comes into the office or sees us through the door?”
“I don’t care who sees. So, be a good girl for me and suck.”
