“I don’t know, Ned. This is a lot for him, so I’m trying to be understanding. He’s always dealt with things by himself because he’s never been in a position where he could rely on other people. He left home at eighteen for the Army, and he’s never been in a relationship before. Donovan’s affable and friendly in a lot of ways, but in other ways, he’s very closed off.”
Kennedy nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. “I get it, but Donovan needs to understand he’s part of a couple now, and couples share. It’s okay to be vulnerable—especially when you’ve shown him that he can trust you. He did the same thing when he found out about Imogen.”
My gaze went to the door Donovan had just exited. “What do you mean?”
“He went off half-cocked when he got the call from Nebraska and didn’t let you know, even though he’d already made plans to take you out. Then, when he eventually spoke to you and explained, he didn’t ask you to go and support him. You didn’t give him a choice in the matter; you just showed up.”
“We’d only just started speaking, Ned. You can’t expect Donovan to change a lifetime of thinking a certain way overnight.”
“No, hon,” she agreed softly. “But he’s still doing it now, and you’ve been together weeks.”
That stopped me in my tracks because she was right.
“Donovan’s holding up one hand to stop you from getting too close,” she went on. “And I know you. When you give, you give everything. How are you going to feel if he doesn’t do the same?”
My eyes bored into Kennedy’s, and I blurted out, “We haven’t had sex yet.”
One eyebrow raised. “You’re telling me that you’ve been with Donovan O’Shea for weeks and he hasn’t fucked your brains out?”
“We came close a few times, and he’s sorted me out on occasion, but we’ve never actually had sex—at least not this time around.”
She winced, and again, I got it because the truth was, I’d been wincing inside for weeks.
“I need to have a talk with him, don’t I?” I murmured.
She grimaced.
“Ugh,” I exclaimed. “Everything’s gotten so heavy. I’m worried this will push him further away.”
“Then you definitely need to have the talk, Ro,” she reiterated. “If this is too much for Donovan, then maybe he’s not as ready for you as he thought. Up to now, you’ve been living in a honeymoon period, but life isn’t one long honeymoon. Sooner or later, reality sets in, and shit gets real. That’s the true test, and if Donovan can’t hack it, then you need to know that sooner rather than later so you can extricate yourself away from him without getting shredded in the process.”
My sinuses burned because it was too late. Ending things with Donovan would already cut me deep and true and in a way that I wasn’t sure I’d ever fully recover. Still, I couldn’t be fully invested in something if Donovan wasn’t. That would only guarantee things would fall apart eventually.
“Just talk to him,” Kennedy urged. “If he’s half the man I suspect he’s becoming, then he’ll see it for what it is and do something about it. If he’s not, then it’s better to know now. You’re worth investing feelings in, Rosie, and if he can’t see that, then he doesn’t deserve you. You’ve taken a risk in trusting him. Now he needs to lower the hand, babe, because you’ll never be happy with arm’s length.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, letting Kennedy’s words settle, but if I were honest, I already knew our issues ran deep. I’d been papering over the cracks to hold on, and that wasn’t me.
Donovan and I were in a weird no-man’s-land, not progressing but not letting go either, and that wasn’t how I wanted to live.
I’d always been the kind of woman who faced things head-on, good and bad, and I wasn’t about to change now.
—————
Within an hour,Colt came up with enough information on the PI for Kennedy to instruct her investigator, who thankfully agreed to drive straight up to Jackson. Colt had also accessed the cameras in town and confirmed the car in question had driven out of Hambleton minutes after Donovan had tried to confront him.
Then he’d put an alert on the security system, which would ping the minute the car returned; though as Donovan said, any PI worth shit would at least change vehicles if he knew he’d been spotted, so we needed to stay vigilant.
Still, the immediate threat had passed for now, so at least we could take a breath and plan.
We hung around in the garden, laughing and chatting for a while, but I could tell Donovan’s heart wasn’t in it, so as soon as I could, I pulled him to one side.
“Do you want to leave, honey?” I asked, reaching up and cupping his jaw.
He looked down at me blankly. “I feel like an asshole dragging you outta here. How about I take Imogen home and you stay with the kids and enjoy the cookout?”
My heart panged. “I’d rather leave with you; I’d only worry if I stayed. We could go see Callum and Maeve and then see to Imogen. I’d like to have a chat if you feel up to it.”
His forehead creased. “What about?”
