A weird feeling spread through my chest cavity, not a bad one exactly, but I knew Tristan had more to say just by theway he was eyeing me. I was proven right when my friend gave me big eyes and murmured something that not only piqued my curiosity but also made my heart jolt.
“Pour the drinks.” His gaze swept over the girls before settling on me. “Because Iguaranteeyou’re all gonna need one after what I’m about to tell you.”
CHAPTER 9
DONOVAN
Obviously, I’d hardly slept. Thoughts of my night with Charlie kept going around and around on a loop in my head. I always used a condom. I didn’t need to rack my brain or go over the events of the night in question. Wrapping up my dick came as easy to me as breathing.
People had always said that no contraception was one hundred percent effective, and it seemedpeoplewere right. I couldn’t work out what had happened; it was so long ago that I’d probably never know.
One thing I did know soul-deep was that Imogen was mine and that my life was about to get crazy. I loved change because of the excitement it brought with it, but this kind of change scared the bejesus out of me because of one simple fact.
I could build a bridge, load a rifle. I could even plan how to take down a group of insurgents from behind enemy lines. I could run a bar with my eyes closed and refurbish a goddamned gym.
But I didn’t have the faintest idea how to raise a daughter.
I wanted her; I think I already loved her in my own way, but I didn’t know if I was the best thing for her.
The thought of not being in Imogen’s life made my chest ache. I’d never factored having kids into my plans, but already the prospect of being without my little girl left a void so deep inside I worried it would swallow me whole.
But it wasn’t about me. I had to do my best for Imogen.
For hours, I lay in bed, staring unseeingly out of the window, watching the sky turn from dark to light, asking myself over and over if taking Imogen would be the right thing to do—not for me, but for her. She was just a baby and had already been through some awful shit. I’d been told by my da for most of my life that I didn’t have much to offer the world, so what if I wasn’t good for her?
What if she needed more?
It was impossible to get my head straight, so I got out of my hotel bed and got dressed. Then, I headed out early to buy fresh clothes, toiletries, and a damned phone charger. By the time I got back to the hotel room, put my phone on charge, and showered, my mam was due to arrive.
I made sure I’d bought enough clothes for a few days. God only knew how long it would take to sort my mess out. As I laced up my sneakers, my only thought was to find out the paternity results, meet Imogen, and then look at my options. I didn’t know what my rights were or if I even had any.
I checked my cell phone, which had been charging for about thirty minutes while I’d showered, shaved, and brushed my teeth. It was still low on juice but charged enough for me to check my emails and messages.
I clicked on my WhatsApp notifications and stilled when I saw the solitary message.
Posy: Hey. You’re late. Are we still going out?
A feelingof dread settled heavy in my gut, and slowly, I closed my eyes as one word filled my mind.
Fuck!
I clicked on Rosie’s number and held the phone to my ear, heaving out a frustrated breath as the call connected and went straight to voicemail.
“Ro, baby. I’m so sorry,” I croaked. “Something happened, and I’m in Nebraska. I’ll try and call you later to explain more. I’m so fucking sorry.” I ended the call and dropped my cell back on the dresser to let it charge some more.
How the hell had I forgotten our date?
Okay, so I’d had a life trauma, but there was no excuse for leaving her hanging like that. Jesus, what if Rosie had gotten all gussied up and I’d left her waiting around for me without a word of explanation?
I sank my ass down onto the mattress, leaned forward, and buried my head in my hands, thinking how I must have been losing the plot to forget something like that. But in my defense, I wasn’t used to dating. I couldn’t remember the last time I took a girl out officially, so it was alien to me. When I asked Rosie to dinner, I had every intention of picking her up and romancing her, but after Tia called, everything else flew out of my head.
It was no excuse, but it was the truth. Still, now I had some making up to do because I was pretty damned sure that no woman liked being stood up. The heavy feeling in my gut intensified, and I rubbed at my temple, trying to alleviate the tension building in my head.
I hadn’t felt like this since I left the military. It had taken me a while to reacclimatize at first. I struggled with the anxiety of being out in the world. The Army had made me a man and built confidence and resilience in me. I’d traveled all over the world and experienced cultures that some people could only dream of, but Army life was still insular. Every day was spent with the same people, sometimes doing the same thing over and over. I’d lived in a bubble, and when it finally popped, it was a culture shock to say the least.
Maybe my dad had been right all those years when he’d told me I was too self-absorbed to be in a relationship. I didn’t think I was, but what normal guy arranged a date and then never thought of it again?
My ringtone pealed, and my body jolted. I grabbed my cell, hoping it was Rosie calling me back, but Callum’s name flashed across the screen.
