When we started the band, we swore we wouldn’t sell out and that everything we did would be about the music. Back then, we were naïve, sweet summer children who looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses. Over time, I learned that along with success came expectations, and I found most of the pressures fell on me.
This business was harder for women. We had to work twice as hard as the men to achieve the same accolades, and even then, we were judged harsher, criticized more, and had to endure so much overt misogyny that some days, I just wanted to walk away.
Because of that, I tended to pick my battles wisely. I lost weight in order to help the record company cash in on my image. I listened to the stylist who was forced on me, and I smiled sweetly in interviews whenever the journalists asked the boys about the music while asking me about my love life.
It was worth all of that because if I did as I was told, I found that creatively, the record company left me alone. But then, it was in their interests, seeing as I made them millions of dollars.
I knew if I worked hard and played their game, one day I could dictate my terms, and it would be the record company who’d have to fall into line with my wishes. I could eventually set up my own label and have full control of everything, but until then, I had to keep on keeping on and smile my way through all the bullshit.
Jonny counted us in on three, and I felt a semblance of peace wash over me.
Boomer began to play the opening riff to the song I’d rearranged earlier, and the resonating beat kicked in.
I closed my eyes and began to strum the accompanying chords while Sam slapped out the bassline. Then, I stepped up close to the microphone, opened my mouth, and began to sing.
—————
“Lovin’that new bridge, Saint,” Jonny said approvingly from the couch opposite. “That key change really elevates it.” His hand dived into a bag of Goldfish crackers, and he tossed a handful in his mouth.
“Thanks. I don’t know why I missed it before, it seems so obvious now we’ve changed it.”
Boomer nudged me from my side. “I’ve told you before. Stop doing that.”
I laughed. “I accepted the compliment.”
“You did, then you followed it up with a jibe at yourself about missing the key change. Remember when you taught me that songwriting’s a process, and sometimes it takes time for every component to fall into place?”
“Okay,” I acquiesced good-naturedly. “You’ve made your point.”
“Good,” he muttered.
“Are we all going to the Dischordium party tonight?” Sam asked. “I’ve asked Jolie to come with me. It’d be good if you all met her.”
I grimaced slightly.
The party would be cool, but I was exhausted. Songwriting always took it out of me emotionally, and with Jacob and the rest of the security team hanging around the studio all day, I’d had to concentrate more to keep my focus.
A couple of times, Jake had walked past the window, and I’d forgotten the words or bummed a note, which wasn’t like me at all.
All I wanted to do was go home and curl up in front of the TV, but I’d made a commitment to show my support, and after everything Noah had done for me and the band recently, I didn’t want to let him down.
“I’ll go, see their set, then leave. I want to get some sleep tonight because I want to spend tomorrow working out the arrangement for the new song I wrote earlier.”
“Thought we were having a rest day tomorrow?” Jonny cut in. “Was gonna party tonight. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten wasted.”
Boomer barked a laugh. “It’s been three days, dude.”
“That’s what I said,” Jonny muttered indignantly. “A while.”
Sam chuckled. “Just keep the drunken lurching to a minimum.” His eyes met mine. “Are you coming into the studio tomorrow?”
I shook my head. “Not much point. I’ll do it at my home studio. It’ll work for what I need.”
“Want me to come over?” Boomer asked.
“I can come too,” Sam offered. “I could bring Jolie.”
My heart warmed because I knew they were trying to support me and take my mind off all the negativestalker bullshit. “Thanks, but you should make the most of your day off. I won’t be working for long, and it’s not like we get much time to ourselves these days.”
