She watched as he opened the door and closed it.
Right there, in front of the living room window, out in the cold, Crow stood, picking up a large ball and tossing it into the air.For five more minutes she tried to act like the adult, who didn’t need to go and play out in the snow.It wasn’t that she needed to do anything in the snow.But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to.And she really, really, really, did want to go out and play.It was insane.
The ball Crow had was getting bigger, and she knew he was making it into a giant snowman.
Why are you doing this?
Just go out there.
Your mother is not there to spoil it.Kids are not there to push you away.No one is going to stop you.
Kelley clenched her hands into fists and made her way toward the door.
“No one wants you to go out there and play.”
“It’s the whore’s kid.”
“She’s got a slut for a mom.”
“You’re a loser, Kelley.”
She lost count of the number of times she was told exactly what she was by other people.Even her mother had told her she would never fit in, would never have any friends.
Well, she had left that woman five years ago.She was not going to allow her to keep controlling her.That shit had ended, and she had not looked back.She didn’t miss her mother.She didn’t fucking care about her mother.It was a title some women did not deserve, and that was her reality.
She put on her jacket, slid her hands into gloves, put a hat on her head, and wrapped a scarf around her neck.Done.
She stepped out, and it was freezing cold.The sound of children’s laughter filled the air, and she couldn’t help but smile.The occasional scream rent the air, but it sounded amazing.It was the sound she recalled of many winters when she would just stay indoors, go to her room, and open the window just slightly so she could hear.She was never part of it.No one ever wanted her as part of that world.
“Well, well, well, it is about time you joined me,” Crow said.“I thought I was freezing my balls off for nothing.”
“Crow, they might hear you!”She moved closer to him.
“Yeah, right.You think anyone can hear themselves think with that fucking noise?I’d like to see it happen.”He rolled his eyes.“Trust me, they’re more interested in the snow than my balls.”
Kelley couldn’t help but laugh.So, she was outside, but now she didn’t quite know what to do.She was at a loss.
“Help me build this snowman.Our yard is looking a little empty, and in case you can’t see, ours is the only one without a snowman.”
She looked down the street, and he wasn’t wrong.She’d been standing at the living room window, watching the kids play for a while.Perhaps a little too long.That sucked.
“What do I do?”she asked.
“We start gathering snow, and we get a nice big ball, and I say we settle it where we want Mr.Snowman to be.Are you ready for this, Kel?”he asked.
“Yeah, I am.”He made it sound so serious, but for the next hour at least, they built two large balls.The bottom was bigger than the other.Crow heaved the second ball right onto the first, and they patted it into place.
He took a step back and turned to her.“We need a third.”
She got right to it, and this one took less time, but there was still a lot of snow around.
With the head made, Kelley ran back into the house to grab a hat, another set of gloves, and scarf.She also grabbed some carrots.Crow had found a couple of dark stones to place for the eyes and the mouth.
She put the hat on the head, along with the gloves on each end of the stick.Once they stood back and admired their handiwork, Kelley loved it.
“Let me grab my camera.”She rushed back inside, grabbed her cell phone, and insisted that Crow stand with the snowman as she took a picture.
She should have known Crow would insist on the same, but she didn’t mind.Holding her thumb up, she stood close to her very first snowman, and she had a horrible feeling that when the snow melted, she might just cry.
