‘I know you told me that you don’t like Christmas. You can fill in the gaps now. It’s not as though we aren’t on a long journey together, for better or for worse.’
In the silence of the car, Ella found that she was intensely curious to hear more about him. The black and white picture was fading and in its place was the colour of a rounded, three-dimensional man.
‘Fill in the gaps… I suppose you could say that Christmas in my family’s palatial house wasn’t all you might think it was cracked up to be.’
‘No festive tree?’
‘Several. All huge and all decorated by an outside company who always did an excellent job when it came to making them worthy of a magazine cover. There was never a time when we ever went out to physically buy a Christmas tree.’
‘Even when you were a kid?’
‘Never. Nor was there ever any excited opening of presents on Christmas morning. I always had one present given to me at breakfast on Christmas day, and I was allowed to open it once the dishes had been removed by staff. It was always expensive,and elaborate, and as soon as I opened my gift it was expected that I would go upstairs to play with it so that my parents could get on with the rest of the day.’
‘What was the rest of their day?’
‘There was always a lavish buffet luncheon open to the usual great and good. Sometimes, they would bring their kids over and I would have company.’
‘Am I allowed to feel sorry for you?’
Lulled into the ease of conversation which she remembered from when they were lovers, Ella settled into something that felt familiar and exciting at the same time.
‘If that makes you happy. Does it?’
‘I can’t imagine what that must have been like.’ Would he compare the experience he was going to have putting up a tree for her father to his experiences as a child? Would that serve to underline the differences between them? He said that he would never let his parents influence how he dealt with this sudden bombshell dropped into his well-ordered life, but could the kid who had grown up in a mansion be completely immune to his past experience?
He talked of marriage, but could he sidestep prejudices that must have been in place from birth really to accept someone like her? Or was she being judgemental, allowing her own personal fears to cloud the issue?
She wondered why those thoughts were playing in her mind at all when she’d decided not to marry him, when everything he said now confirmedwhythey could never be suited. But there was enough doubt about that decision forming in the back of her mind to keep the thoughts churning as the car pulled into the packed car park that serviced the garden centre.
‘We’re really worlds apart, aren’t we?’ she murmured as he opened the passenger door for her, automatically reaching to help her out of the car.
Squirming round to fetch her backpack by her feet, she straightened to find that he had stilled and was looking at her with brooding intensity.
‘Yes, we are.’
‘What on earth did you ever see in me in the first place?’ The thread of hurt forced its way back to the surface. ‘Was I just a novelty toy you got to play with for a couple of weeks?’
The to-ing and fro-ing of people, kids, voices, laughter and, in the distance, the tinned sound of Christmas carols faded away. Ella could feel the burn of his dark eyes on her and it hit her that this man would be around for their child while she got on with her own life—except how easy would that be when she was emotionally involved with him?
‘Never that, although…’
‘No, don’t say it.’ She forced a laugh. ‘I sense what you’re going to say next isn’t going to be one of those compliments that has me fainting with joy.’
‘You made me laugh and you still do,’ he murmured with a slow smile.
‘I hope the festive spirit here doesn’t give you too much of a headache. You’ll find that when it comes to Christmas we do things in style in this part of the world.’
She made to clamber out but his hand kept her in place.
‘Although, like I said before, you brought out something in me that I hadn’t realised was there. For a while I was someone else, someone without the responsibilities that have always come with my upbringing, and I liked thatsomeone else. I told you that I didn’t have to come back here, Ella and that was the truth. I didn’t. Maybe I came back to be re-introduced to thatsomeone elseI found when we were together.’
‘But I was never going to be a permanent part of your life, Rocco. You might have wanted to feel free again for a while, but you were always going to go away in the end.’
Their eyes tangled and she was the first to look away. He neither confirmed nor denied that statement. Of course he would never have hung around to have a proper relationship with her second time round. The guy wasn’t into love and had been brought up on a diet of duty, with a suitable wife somewhere along the line, someone from the right background who knew how things worked in that rarified life of his.
But could she be wrong? Impatient even to think along those lines, Ella snapped out of her temporary trance and hopped out of the car.
‘You honestly don’t have to help me out of a car, Rocco. I’m not an invalid.’ But she tempered that with a smile because the gesture was really quite appealing. ‘Now, let’s go find a tree. I’m warning you that, if you’re not a fan of Christmas, you might find the overload of decorations a little alarming…and watch out for errant elves.’
