‘I think I need to hear you again so I can process what you said.’
‘You don’t actually have to hear it again to process anything because you can leave all the talking to me. You’ll find out soon enough that my dad isn’t very communicative. He’ll really only feel comfortable talking to me, so you can take a back seat and go with the flow.’
‘I’m not sure that works for me. No, Iknowthat doesn’t work for me. When you say you had feelings for me…?’
‘I don’t have feelings for you! I had to say something!’ Ella shot him an exasperated sigh.
Everything was suddenly so complicated. Was he being deliberately obtuse? Couldn’t he just accept what she was telling him and let her get on with it?
No, he couldn’t. That wasn’t his nature, and besides, he wasn’t being obtuse. He was genuinely curious because, looked at through dispassionate, objective eyes, why wouldn’t she simply have come out with the truth—that she’d had a quick fling and a mistake had been the unfortunate result?
‘No one asked for lengthy explanations, if you really want to know. I’ve never been one to confide, as you well know, but I also would never normally hop into bed with some passing stranger. And when it comes to my dad, well, he knows me better than anyone, and I didn’t want to break his heart even more than it was breaking already, so I said I’d fallen for a guy but the relationship hadn’t worked out.’
‘Because the guy had lied about who he was?’
‘Because the guy and I decided it just wouldn’t have been the right thing.’
‘And the reason I stayed away for nearly four months?’
‘I just said I had to come to terms with everything before… I involved someone who wouldn’t have welcomed involvement. And, now that I’ve explained this to you, will you please trust me and let me do the talking?’
‘What is this conversation going to look like? Can you give me a sample taster so I know what to expect?’
‘The left turn to the farm’s coming up, but you have to go really slowly or you’ll miss it.’
‘Well?’
‘I don’t know. I’ll play it by ear.’
‘I see.’
Ella looked at him narrowly because she had no idea what was going through Rocco’s head. She’d said precious little about Rocco because, at the time, she’d known precious little about him aside from the fact that he’d appeared in her life and then vanished without trace, thereby proving himself to be just the sort of guy she should never have gone near.
Confessing to her beloved, quiet dad that she’d had a two-week liaison with a man who had never wanted any sort of relationship with her would have left him confused and saddened. So she’d told him that she’d lost her heart to a wonderful man and that they had parted company on the bestof terms because they’d reached the same conclusion: that the relationship wouldn’t work out.
And she had left it there. For the time being. Now, though…
The house appeared, emerging from the gathering gloom and the drizzle of snow, a two-storied building squatting in the middle of acres of land. The lights were on downstairs and she knew what she would find when she went in. Her father settled in the sitting room with the fire burning after a long day spent outside. There would be the smell of food cooking. He enjoyed cooking. He always had. He said it was relaxing after the gruelling physicality of tending to the land.
The car swung round in a perfect circle in front of the house and ground to a halt. When he’d killed the engine, Rocco turned to face her.
‘I don’t exactly know the details of what you told your father,’ he said firmly. ‘But the narrative from here on in will not be one in which I take a back seat. So go ahead and lead the conversation but I’m warning you to expect interruptions if I think it’s going down that road.’
‘How did I never notice how much you enjoy giving orders?’
But she minded less than she expected. In an uncertain place, was she somehow secretly relieved that someone was taking charge? What had happened to her feminist streak? When she thought of the reassurances he had given her earlier, she felt warm inside. When she thought about his strength, and the calm solidity of his presence, she imagined the marriage she had absolutely ruled out. Would it really be the hell on earth she had conjured up? He was a guy who had a strong moral compass and sense of responsibility. A guy who hadn’t set out deliberately to lie to her but had found himself in a place where admitting the truth had not been feasible.
‘I’ll go inside ahead of you. My dad will have a heart attack if I produce you from out of the blue, like a rabbit from a hat.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Rocco said after a pause. ‘It’s going to be fine.’
‘Really?’
‘Look at it this way—you were going it solo and now you’re not. If not for you, then for our baby, this is surely the best possible outcome?’
In the darkness of the car, Ella could make out the glitter of his dark eyes and she felt that thread of urgent, physical awareness wash over her, waking her up to the uncomfortable recognition of a desire that had not left her in the way she had hoped it might.
And beyond desire…something deeper and far more dangerous.
