Her heart fluttered. She’d told herself that she was in control of a situation that brought her physical satisfaction without emotional entanglement, because her head told her he wasn’t the sort of guy she was looking for. Not as a long-term proposition.
After Steve, she told herself she would be careful. She based her benchmark on her dad, who was quietly strong, reliable and kind, a man of few words who knew what it was like to devote his life to the woman he loved. He and her mother had adored one another. He’d been her rock and had been there for her through the many years of uncertain health.
That was what she was looking for. Not a guy who made her body sing, who took her to places she’d never imagined possible but who was also the essence of charm, easy wit and stunning self-assurance.
Yet…she couldn’t quite imagine life without him in it, and that scared her. Was there a connection there for him as well? He wasn’t taking a risk like she was. So was this just another every-day fling for him? Or more than that?
‘I don’t, actually.’
‘So you cook for yourself? Tell me what you like to cook.’
‘That’s a lot of questions.’
‘I want to find out more about you. You know so much about me. I’ve never confided in anyone the way I’ve confided in you,and I’m not even sure how you’ve managed to get me to tell you so much.’
‘I’m a persuasive kind of guy,’ Rocco murmured.
‘I can’t actually believe I’m here with you.’
‘Yet how hard was it to tell your manager that you wanted a few days off? And I’m still not sure why you had to skirt around the reason for that by saying I’d had to cut short my stint there, and you needed a break to regroup from having your routine put out of sync by my unexpected presence.’
‘People have a way of gossiping.’
‘Does it matter what people think?’
‘It does to me.’
‘Why?’
‘I suppose,’ Ella said thoughtfully, ‘That it’s just the way I’ve always been. I’ve always been quite restrained. Like I’ve told you, Conor was the one who took up all the oxygen. He demanded attention and, the more he demanded, the more I retreated into myself. Especially with Mum—having to deal with health issues that cropped up time and again. I felt like the last thing my parents needed was the headache of two kids testing the boundaries.’
‘Did you ever resent that?’
‘Until I met you, it wasn’t something I’d ever confronted. It was what it was. You’re the only one who knows just how awful my experience with Steve was. I lost a future I thought I might have with him, but it was more than that. Because of what he did, I lost my friend as well.’
‘People like that don’t deserve your friendship or your love.’
Rocco could smell the sweet, floral scent of her hair and, as he breathed it in, he felt the tight, grim throb of rage when he thought about the guy who’d let her down, because she hadn’t deserved that.
It wasn’t jealousy. He didn’t do jealousy. He never had. But, in a way, it was worse than jealousy, because it was a sort of possessiveness and that was alien to him. He almost wished he’d been around at the time to protect her from a guy who should have been kicked out of her life before he’d got his foot through the door.
What wasthatabout? Why wasn’t he more concerned at how intimate they had become in such a short time? He was a man who guarded his emotions, who never encouraged women to over-share and who was happy to have sex as the motivator behind relationships, safe in the knowledge that when the time came to take a wife he would only ever consider one who logically fitted the bill. Emotion would play no part in his choice.
But this unusual freedom…life in the guise of someone else, intimacy…didn’t feel like a threat. He enjoyed her soft murmurings as she confided in him, told him things that were close to her heart. It made him want to talk to her as well.
‘Have you ever lost your heart to someone?’ he heard her ask.
‘Not my style.’
‘You’re in your thirties and you’ve never lost your heart to anyone?’
‘I…’ Rocco hesitated, knowing that there was a limit to what he could tell her but also knowing that, within those limits, there was a lot he could confide, and it shocked him just how much he wanted to do that.
‘Go on. I’m open with you.’
‘Youarevery open,’ he agreed. ‘Sometimes, it feels as though you’re from another planet.’ He smiled when she laughed. ‘In a good way. You tell me about yourself and you’re not trying to impress me.’
‘Women try to impress you? No, don’t answer that. I can well imagine. Is that why you’re so self-confident?’
