‘Hmm,’ he hummed again but with a deeper octave that made her tilt her head to glance up at him, but she couldn’t quite decipher the emotions moving through his eyes, only the ferocity of it.
Her heartbeat revving, she dragged her gaze away, striving for composure and asking the first question she could think of. ‘Why did you buy this place?’
Even in the dwindling light, she saw his eyes shadow. A shaft of now familiar dejection spasmed across his face, right before he broke her stare to settle his gaze on the water.
‘I needed to get away from everything after the incident. My father…’ He grimaced with a head shake. ‘He was determined to find ways to “cure” my…what did you call it? My self-imposed Greek tragedy of guilt? Which in his book mostly meant getting back on the horse immediately.’ He paused for a heavy beat. ‘But I realised it was better for everyone if I removed myself from circulation and civilisation for a while. I was angry, you see. And also it felt especially cruel to see a life that held so much potential cut short. Harder still when…’ His lips thinned, physically stopping his words.
‘When what?’ she pushed gently.
Hard emotion twitched across his face, followed by harsher laughter. ‘When that life was similar to what mine could’ve been.’
‘I don’t…understand.’
A tic flitted across his jaw, his tension so heightened she expected to see smoke smouldering out of him. ‘My ambition before I entered the army was to go into medicine.’
She inhaled sharply. ‘You wanted to be a doctor?’
He nodded once. Gravely.
‘Who…what happened?’
His lip twisted sardonically. ‘A combination of good fortune and bad timing working against me.’
‘I don’t understand,’ she repeated, completely lost. She’d thought she knew everything there was to find readily online about Prince Valenti Domene. And she’d discovered that having information readily available to devour about a certain subject led to a kind of obsession. Nowhere had she learned of Valenti’s ambition for medicine. Not when he’d been so wildly successful at the profession he currently held.
And yet, looking at him now, she could easily see him in a white coat, stalking down the pristine corridors of the world’s most revered medical institutions, leaving interns and colleagues at once terrified of him and sighing with jealousy over his brilliance.
His chest rose and fell in a heavy exhale. ‘My father decreed that all young men should serve a term in the military before they turned twenty-one. The good fortune was that Teo and I were able to build a better relationship with Azar where things had been fraught before through no fault of our own. I think that was my father’s ultimate plan. The bad timing was that it shattered my plans for medical school.’
She shook her head. ‘Why would it if the service was one term?’
A brief self-deprecating smile without humour withered away beneath the weight of recollection. ‘I turned out to be too good at certain…skills in the army. Skills my father and his palacecouncillors decided would be better honed and utilized to serve the kingdom.’
Mild shock shivered through her. ‘So you didn’t choose to become a security expert rather than a doctor? Your career was chosen for you?’
A heavy beat passed. ‘No I did not. And yes. I was charged with protecting my family and the kingdom. A noble calling as was impressed on me. And generally risk-free…until it wasn’t.’
‘And then you had to watch Helga—’ She winced when a wave of bleakness swept over his face. Had they been in the cabin, Lotte was sure this was the moment he’d have shoved his hands into his pockets and prowled across the room.
‘She was extremely passionate about her career. We would talk for hours about the wonders of medicine. She reawakened my dreams and desires to be a surgeon. So much so… I toyed with rejecting my duty. She was adamant that I pursue it. Hell, she even threatened to take it up with my father. But after her death, after I failed to save her…’ He shook his head.
‘You thought you would fail at reaching for your dream too?’ she rasped.
The tight clench of his jaw said everything.
‘Valenti—’
‘Save your pity,’ he bit out, a flash of formidable power in his eyes. ‘It’s quite unnecessary. When I’m not being tested by my defiant ward, I find I quite enjoy my position in life. I’ve made a success of the hand I was dealt.’
She knew his reminder of his guardianship was deliberate. A distancing mechanism. But her insides withered all the same, even as her heart ached for everything he’d lost.
‘Well for what it’s worth, I don’t pity you. I’m just…’Heartbroken for you.
Wisely, she kept those words to herself, almost relieved when he continued to speak.
‘As to your initial question, I came here because I also had a new responsibility, one I was determined not to shirk.’
She glanced up sharply and got pinned by his gaze. ‘You mean me?’
