Sean nudges me. “It’s okay to feel both excited andnot. And it’s okay to admit you like living with Jerry.
“Idolike living with him.” Maybe a little too much if I’m not over the moon about my house possibly being sold.
“Just because your house might sell, doesn’t mean you have to find a new place straight away. It’s not like Jerry’s going to kick you out or anything.”
“I know. But I don’t want to outstay my welcome.”
Sean barks out a laugh and mutters, “Pretty sure that’ll never happen.” I don’t know if I was supposed to hear that or not, so I choose to ignore it.
“I looked at a few places yesterday.”
His gaze snaps to mine. “In the areas your boss suggested?”
“Yeah.” And around here, just out of curiosity, but there’s nothing for sale around here that I could afford.
“There are other areas you could look. Some that are the right side of Sheffield and close to... yourfriends.”
I sigh. “You’re not subtle.”
“Wasn’t trying to be.” He reaches down to stroke Lucky who’s run back to see where we are and by the looks of things try to get us to walk faster. “He’s a good guy to have in your corner. Either as a friend ormore.”
“I know he is.” I lower my voice to a whisper just in case. “I don’t know if Jerry would be happy with just friends after this, and I’m not sure I’m ready for more.”
“There’s no rush, Reed. He’s not going anywhere.”
“No. Which means it’s probably a good idea if I do. Give us some space to see how we feel when we’re not under the same roof.”
He nods. “Whatever you need to do, Vic and I will be here for you.”
“Thanks.” I send him a grateful smile, not realising until then that I needed to hear that.
As we’re about to catch up to the others, Sean leans in and whispers, “And so will Jerry.”
I nod, because I know he will. He’s said as much, time and again. But at what cost? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt me either, though, and as much as I like to think otherwise, what happened with Karl changed me and I’m more cautious than I used to be.
I wish I wasn’t, but it is what it is.
And fuck me, this is not how I expected the morning to go.
I force myself to smile when I feel Jerry watching me. His forehead scrunches, so I walk over and nudge him. “All right?”
“Yeah, you?” His eyes search mine, so full of concern, and I can almost feel the tension drain away in the face of it.
My smile comes easier this time, reaching all the way to my eyes, and it’s nothing but the truth when I say, “I am now.”
I’m sure that confused him even more, but he smiles back anyway, maybe sensing the change in me, and starts to point out landmarks as we walk.
It’s easy to get lost in the rugged beauty surrounding us, in the friendly banter as the four of us walk and chat while the three dogs have the time of their lives racing around chasing each other.
I shove the house and my prospective new home to the far recesses of my mind to deal with much later. Maybe it won’t sell any time soon and I won’t have to make a decision for a while yet.
I getthe call on Wednesday morning. A young couple have put an offer in. It’s a fair bit below the asking price, so I tell the estate agent no, I’m not accepting that.
She calls back four hours later with a revised offer that she advises me to consider. In her words, the housing market is notoriously dead over the holiday period so it could be a while before I get another offer. I know she’s right, so I tell her I’ll think about it. With a promise not to take too long, I hang up and sit at the desk in my bedroom, head in my hands.
I have a couple of tabs open on my laptop, showing prospective properties. I click on them with little enthusiasm. They’re nice enough: one’s a flat, the other a semi-detached house. Both affordable, since I’ll have made a nice profit on my house.
They’re not too far from the office, and it would truly be a new start because I won’t know a single soul there. And it’s at least a forty-minute drive from here, where I’ve started to put down roots despite not intending to. I know more people here outside of work than I ever did back home. People wave and say hello, even if I don’t remember half their names.
