Although he didn’t feel like one when we were together on New Year’s. Now, though, that night seems like it happened to someone else. Which is why I haven’t taken him up on his offer. Not yet anyway.
“Pub or café?” Paul asks the second we hit fresh air.
I glance up. The sky is a dull, miserable-looking grey, and it’s fucking freezing for March.
I shiver. “Café’s nearest.”
He laughs, but I notice his hands are fully shoved into his coat pockets, clearly as cold as I am.
I follow him down the street and into the café that we’ve been coming to for the last couple of years. Unfortunately, we’re not the only ones from my office in here, and I come to an abrupt halt just inside the doorway.
“Fuck,” Paul mutters, seeing them a split second after I do. “Sorry, Reed. We can go somewhere else,” he adds quietly.
“It’s fine.” It’s not. The last thing I want to do is sit down and eat while watching Karl and Harrison gazing into each other’s eyes. But I need to get used to this. It’s not the first time I’ve seen them together and it won’t be the last. “Come on.”
The gods must be smiling on me a little because we manage to get a table as far away from Karl as physically possible. I take the seat facing the window while Paul goes to the counter to order our food.
I try to focus on the street outside. People watching usually fascinates me, but unfortunately the light hits the glass just so, and I can make out Karl and Harrison in the reflection. And that catches my attention more than what’s going on outside.
I watch them shrug into their coats and stand, and it dawns on me that they’ll have to pass my table to get to the exit.
Arse.
Maybe they won’t see me.
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? They can’tnotsee me.
Maybe they won’t talk to me.
But Karl has never been one to avoid the hard things.
I look away from the glass as they approach but sense the moment they stop by my table.
“Reed?”
I flinch at the sound of his voice. The way he says my name used to make me smile and for a split second my lips twitch, but then I remember that he’s not mine.
It doesn’t hurt as much anymore, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect me at all.
I can’t ignore him, though. With a sigh, I turn in my seat to face them. Harrison hangs back, giving us a small semblance of privacy.
I want to hate him. I want to hate Karl too, but in the end it was no one’s fault. You can’t help how you feel.
“Hey.” I can’t force a smile, so I don’t bother trying.
Karl shoves his hands in his pockets. “How’ve you been?”
I raise an eyebrow, because how the fuck does he think I’ve been?
“Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.”
“Yeah. It was.” The words fall out before I can sensor myself, and he looks so shocked at my reply I want to laugh. I’m not usually so blunt, and I’m not sure why today feels different, but I’m sick of pretending that I’m okay when I’m not.
Karl told me the truth, even though it was fucking painful to hear it. So I’m going to do the same.
I think we need it if we’re ever going to get past this and maybe one day get back to being the friends that we used to be.
If that’s even possible.
