“I wasn’t there all that long.”
“I know, but if you kept it...” He doesn’t say any more, but I get what he’s implying.
If I kept that photo, then the people in it must mean something to me. To be honest, I don’t really remember most of them. Probably wouldn’t know them now if we passed in the street. I only recognised Hailey because she used to live with Vic and I’d see them together all the time back then. And she’s got her arm around him in that photo. I huff because for ages I thought they were a couple. Turns out I wasn’t that far off the mark.
Vic though... He starred in my dreams and fantasies for months after I left London. So manywhat-ifs running through my head.
But I was nineteen then, and leaving had seemed like the worst thing in the world. I grew up, and I’m pretty fucking happy with how my life turned out. “It’s just a photo, Jer. A snapshot of my past, that’s all.”
“A tall, dark, and sexy past that’s now staying up the road for the next month. Just sayin’.” He raises his eyebrows, and I laugh and shake my head.
“And then he’ll go back to his home and that’ll be that. I’m sure I’ll see him around if he’s helping Hailey and Char at the pub, and it’ll be fun to catch up, but that’s it.” He goes to speak and I quickly open the door before he offers any more advice on my sex life. “Night, Jer. Thanks for the lift.”
I close the door on his laughter and walk up the path to my front door. I live in an end terrace on the outskirts of the village—the three cottages in my row were built when space wasn’t as much of an issue as it is now. There’s plenty of parking space out front, and my small front garden wraps around the side of my house to a fair-sized plot of land at the back. It’s not huge by any means, but it backs onto the countryside that’s as much home to me as the cottage itself. I wouldn’t trade that view for anything.
I hear the scrabble of claws on the wooden hallway floor as I open the door, and I’m greeted with a wet nose poking through the gap. “Hey, boy,” I bend down to stroke my over-excited dog, laughing as he greets me like I’ve been gone for days. “Miss me?” His tail wags furiously, smacking me on the leg as he waits for me to take off my coat and boots.
I’ve had Lucky for almost five years. He was abandoned, so I don’t know exactly how old he is, but I don’t think he’s much older than that. He was tiny when I found him.
He looks up at me with big brown eyes. He’s a mix of breeds, according to the vet, but definitely got some Labrador in there somewhere. His fur is black, soft under my hands as I stroke his head and down his back. He’s the goodest of good boys, and sometimes when I’m lying in bed at night, I wonder if he was sent to me on purpose. I wasn’t in a good place when I found him abandoned in one of the national park car parks. Still reeling from a bad breakup, he gave me something to focus on, someone to take care of. My friends tried, but for a while there I’d felt as lost and alone as Lucky was, and together we pulled ourselves out of it.
My ex wasn’t a dog person, flatly refused to entertain the idea of getting a pet of any kind. Maybe that should’ve been my first clue that we weren’t compatible. He wasn’t a fan of living so far from a major town or city, wanted to move closer to civilisation. His words, not mine. Even if I’d wanted to, I couldn’t leave here. The countryside he hated is literally my job. But it’s also so much more than that. I love working outside, love how every day is different. Even when Mother Nature’s at her worst, I wouldn’t trade being a Ranger for anything else.
My refusal to move had been the thing that eventually broke us.
But like I said, that was five years ago.
I’m in a much better place now, and I vowed never to date anyone who isn’t as in love with the countryside as I am. Pickings might be slim, but I refuse to make the same mistake again.
Which is why I have no intention of pursuing anything with Vic. He might still be one of the most attractive men I’ve ever met, but he’s not from around here, won’t be staying after his month is up. Three days with him hurt enough when I had to leave. I can only imagine how much worse it will be if I spent a month getting to know him again.
And that’s assuming he’s still interested in me.
He is.
I push that thought away and stand, Lucky trailing me into the kitchen. The photo board catches my eye. A little faded and creased, the photo in the top corner is almost hidden by newer ones. I walk over to get a closer look, smoothing the edges so I can see it better.
I don’t remember who took it or what the occasion was. For whatever reason, my group of friends and Vic’s were all stood together in the corner of the pub, arms around each other and drinks in hand. Vic was laughing at something, head thrown back, dark curls a riotous mess. He looks so happy, carefree. He had his arms around Hailey. He wasn’t looking my way but I was watching him.
Whoever was behind the camera caught me with such a look of longing on my face it still makes me cringe a little, even now. Victor Marlow was my first real crush. I’d fancied him forever, and when I finally,finallygot to have him it felt like all my dreams had come true. Only to have them shattered three days later.
I stroke my fingers over the photo again before stepping back and shaking myself.
The past is best left in the past.
Saturday morning dawnscrisp and clear, the sky a beautiful blue, but it’s fucking cold. I love it. I love the crunch of frosted grass underfoot and the way my breath fogs with every exhale.
Lucky trots by my side, stopping every so often to sniff or do his business. It’s peaceful out here, the trail we’re on leads almost straight from my back garden, and the route we’re taking today takes us about an hour.
Normally my mind’s clear when I’m out here, but this morning I can’t shake the image of Vic out of my head. Before yesterday, in my mind, he was still the nineteen-year-old boy that I left in London. Now though?
Now he’s filled out and grown into that cut jaw. His hair is the same as I remember, maybe a little longer, and the tiny flecks of grey I saw at his temples only add to his appeal.
Everything I told myself last night about leaving the past in the past seems ridiculous in the bright light of day.
I’m curious about him.
What he’s done with his life, where he lives now. I could ask Hailey, they have achildtogether so she’d know, but if I’m going to ask, then I want to hear it from Vic.
