I just don’t know.
“It’s fine, I’m used to waiting for you after all these years.” Nick shoved a pint towards him, and Cole took a drink so he didn’t have to meet Nick’s eyes.
They’d been friends a long time. Best friends.
Nick knew everything there was to know about him, but if Cole accepted Logan’s offer, then he’d have to lie to his face and let Nick believe that he was dead.
And the same for his parents.
The thought made him feel sick, like it did every time he tried to imagine how it would play out.
Would there be a funeral? There’d have to be, right?
His brother and sister had moved out of London once they were no longer required to live there, free—to a certain degree—to do as they liked when they’d tested negative. But Cole still spoke to them. Could he handle the idea of never seeing his family again? He gripped his glass to stop his hand from shaking.
“You okay?”
Cole finally glanced up to find Nick staring at him, face scrunched up in concern. “Yeah, why?”
“Well, you’ve got a face like someone just died, and I’ve asked you the same question twice already.”
“Shit, sorry.” He really needed to do better or people weren’t going to be convinced by his “I’m fine, really” answer.
His mum had given him an odd look this morning over breakfast, and the last thing he needed was for her to get suspicious. “What did you ask me?”
Nick narrowed his eyes for a moment but didn’t push him for any other explanation. “I asked if you’d heard any more from Logan. You were kind of vague about your last meeting. He’s not being a dick, is he?”
“No, nothing like that. And I’m seeing him again on Monday. I get the weekend to think through everything we talked about last time.” Which seemed both like a lifetime and not nearly long enough.
Nick hummed and took a sip of his pint. “What’s to think about, though? I don’t mean to sound like an arse, but he didn’t give all that many options, did he?”
Cole swallowed the hysterical laugh threatening to escape.If only you knew. “No. There’s only one team they want me to join, but I still have the right to contact other packs if I want.”
“Even though you know what they’ll probably say?” Nick had that look he got sometimes when he thought Cole was doing something pointless and wasting his time.
“Yep. And I know you don’t get why I’d want to do that, but you’re happy with your offer, Nick. You get to join the pack of your dreams and live happily ever after.”
Nick choked on the mouthful of beer he’d just taken. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that, but fair point.” He sighed, and Cole felt a lecture coming on. “I know this isn’t what you were hoping for—”
“It’s about as far as you can get from what I was hoping for.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “I know that, but with your fucking test scores, you had to know that something like this was going to be the probable outcome?”
As much as Cole wanted to snap at him and deny it, he couldn’t. Because he had known. The reality of it had been more jarring than he’d expected it to be. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it or willingly accept it.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Nick sat back and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re absolutely right. Sorry, mate. It’s just... I guess I feel guilty being okay with where I’m heading when you’re so obviously not.”
Cole sighed, hating the way Nick was looking at him. “You shouldn’t. I’m happy for you, honest.” Cole didn’t want to argue with him. Not on such a beautiful day, and not when they might not have many more left together. Resolving to make the most of their time, just in case, he mentally shook off the cloud hovering over him and smiled. More genuinely this time. “How’s things going with your pack, then?”
Nick’s expression remained worried for a few moments before a smile replaced it, quickly turning into a grin. “Well, I’ve started designing my tattoo.” He reached down beside him, rustled around in a bag Cole hadn’t noticed, and produced a small notepad. “It’s still a work in progress, but what do you think?”
Cole watched as Nick flipped through the pages and stopped at the drawing of an oak tree with the moon behind it.
“Wow,” he whispered. “That’s amazing.” And it was, Nick was a talented artist. The attention to detail was probably too much to replicate in a tattoo, but it was beautiful.
And horrifying in its significance.
Nick would have that permanently etched on his skin, proudly displaying who he belonged to for the rest of his life. He might retain control over certain things, but anything major would ultimately have to have the approval of his alpha.
