CHAPTER SIX
What the fuck am I doing?
Even as he tugged Alex close and wrapped an arm round him, he knew he was only making things ten times worse. Avoiding him hadn’t worked either. After so many years of constantly having Alex in his space, trying to keep a bit of distance had only served to make Alex wary—Riley had seen it on his face—and Riley feel guilty. A few hours of doing that had been more than enough.
Fuck it.
He wanted to be near Alex all the time, wanted to make him laugh, see that huge smile that crinkled his eyes, and wanted to have him fall asleep tucked into his side. Just like now. Riley glanced down at him and smiled. Thick, sooty lashes rested against high cheekbones. Alex’s skin always looked sun-kissed, even in winter, and the faint trace of stubble looked good against it.
Riley barely resisted smoothing his thumb over it just to feel it prickle. He sighed, and when he looked up, Nick was staring at him, eyebrow raised. A quick glance at the others told him no one else was paying attention, thank God. The game had ended and they were now watching a film. Christ, when had that happened?
“Tell him.” Nick mouthed the words, but Riley still glared at him.
He didn’t need everyone else knowing, even if after the last couple of days he suspected they all had an idea of how he felt. Which was just embarrassing and a little mortifying. Besides, after his chat with Charlie, he had every intention of talking to Alex about it. Just not now. And definitely not here. If Alex rejected him, he didn’t want the lodge saddled with those memories too. “I will,” he mouthed back.
“When?”
“New Year.”
Nick’s brow furrowed at that, clearly not impressed with Riley’s answer. Well, tough. He closed his eyes, so Nick couldn’t say anything else, then rested his head back on the sofa. Maybe Alex had the right idea.
Ugh.The one drawback to napping in the afternoon after a few beers was waking up and feeling rough.
Riley rubbed his eyes and yawned. The lounge was empty and the TV turned off. Where was everyone? Alex must have woken up at some point, but Riley hadn’t even felt him move. He stood and stretched, raised his arms above his head until his back cracked.
“God, I thought you’d never wake up!”
Riley yelped and jumped a mile in the air. He turned round to see Alex leaning against the kitchen worktop, mug in hand. “Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.”
Alex grinned and then held his mug a little higher. “Want one? Kettle only just boiled.”
“Yeah, please.”
Turning to get a mug out of the dishwasher, Alex asked, “Tea or coffee?”
“Coffee, please.” Hopefully the injection of caffeine would help to clear his head a little. First he needed a glass of water. Riley walked over to the kitchen area and got a glass from the cupboard. “Where is everyone?” He filled his glass up to the brim, then downed it in one.
Alex made another coffee and set it on the worktop between them. “Walked down to the village to get some more milk. Hopefully some bread too.”
“Oh.” Damn, Riley could’ve done with some fresh air, despite it probably being freezing out there, not to mention dark. “When did they go?”
“About half an hour ago. Why?”
“I just fancied clearing my head a bit.”
Alex gestured to the picnic bench out on the decking. “We could always take these outside?”
“Yeah, okay.” Riley grabbed their coats from the rack and passed Alex’s to him, before pulling his own on and searching for his boots.
Coffees in hand, they opened the door and went outside.
Riley’s breath came out in a thick fog in front of him, mixing with the steam from his coffee. “Fuck me, it’s cold.”
Alex smiled. “Yep.” He sipped his drink, staring out into the night.
The surrounding lodges were lit up in varying degrees; some even had fairy lights in the windows as they did. No one had drawn the curtains in their lodge, and Riley glanced behind him, happy to see the place lit up like… well, like it was Christmas.
“Have you thought any more about us getting a place together?” Alex wasn’t looking at him, and Riley wondered if it was on purpose.
