CHAPTER FOUR
Riley glanced up to the heavens as he walked home, feeling a mixture of relieved, happy, and shitty. What a wonderful combination. Not.
God, he’d had every intention of telling Alex the truth, or at the very least not lying to him, but as soon as he laid eyes on him, he couldn’t fucking do it. It wasn’t as though he’d had to bring it up in conversation. Alex came out and said it straight off the bat, giving Riley the perfect opening to tell him what had happened.
But he’d looked so earnest and gorgeous, all flushed from his walk to the pub and wanting to know what he’d done to upset him. Riley couldn’t sit there and say, “You forgot, Alex. I kissed you like I’ve wanted to for ages, and you forgot.” He might not have used words to express how he felt—and thank fuck, because he didn’t think he could handle Alex forgetting that—but surely Alex must have suspected. It was probably written all over Riley’s face for the world to see. In fact he wouldn’t be all that surprised to discover his friends knew how he felt about Alex.
Everyone except Alex himself, of course. As Nick said, Alex was oblivious.
Unless he knew and chose to avoid the issue. And that was what stopped Riley from telling the truth. What if Alex was happy to pretend he didn’t know? If Riley forced the issue out into the open, it might—no, it definitely would—put a strain on their friendship, and Riley would never risk that. Alex was too important to him.
He couldn’t help but think back to that night, though, and his brow furrowed. Alex had kissed him back. Riley hadn’t imagined it. And Alex had definitely been up for more. It was all so fucking frustrating.
Riley kicked at a Coke can someone had dropped, and he watched in satisfaction as it skittered across the pavement. Did Alex really forget? He seemed genuine enough, but maybe he’d woken up, regretted what had happened, and decided lying seemed the best way to avoid hurting Riley’s feelings.
Fucking hell, that was an awful thought, and Riley’s chest ached just imagining it. But no, Alex would never lie to him, especially not about something like that. Which then made him feel like shit for lying himself.Ugh! Everything sucked balls.
He spent the rest of the walk home wilfully ignoring his guilty feelings, instead torturing himself with thoughts of what it would be like to share a flat together.
He really was his own worst enemy.
When Riley let himself in, his brother was still up lounging on the sofa watchingImpractical Jokers. Charlie glanced up when Riley plopped down into one of the armchairs.
“Is this a new one?” Riley asked, pointing at the TV screen.
Charlie shook his head. “Nah, it’s the one with the tattoos.”
“Nice.” Riley kicked his shoes off and got comfy.
As soon as the adverts came on, Charlie shifted to face him. “So, did you tell him?”
Riley covered his face with his hands. “No. Couldn’t do it.”
“Why the fuck not?”
When Riley peeked through his fingers, Charlie sat glaring at him, incredulous. “What’d be the point? I told you he doesn’t remember a thing. It’d just be embarrassing all round.”
Charlie grabbed the TV remote and pressed Pause.
Ugh, that means I’m in for a lecture.
“The point, Ri, is that you’ve been pining after him for ages. And he must feel the same, or he wouldn’t have kissed you back. I don’t care if he forgot about it, he still did it.” He sat back and crossed his arms, seemingly satisfied he’d made his point.
“Anyone would think you were the older brother, not me,” Riley grumbled.
“That’s because I talk sense.”
“Look, I get what you’re saying, and yes, you have a point. But there’s also the possibility that he did it because he was drunk, but in the cold light of day, he might think it’s a terrible idea. That’s why he hasn’t said anything before now.”
Charlie stared at him for several seconds. Riley got the distinct feeling he was being judged. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Always look for the worst when it comes to you and Alex. Have you ever thought he might like you, too, but hasn’t said anything for all the same reasons you’ve just stated? You know each other so well, and yet….”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I know you’re worried about making things awkward. But aren’t they already? You avoided him all last week, and what happens when he starts seeing someone? He’s a good-looking guy, Riley. He’s not gonna stay single forever.”
