And then, as though watching a Christmas tree lighting in slow motion, the lanterns hanging in the Shadow Tree began to glow—just one or two, dimly at first, faint and flickering, elusive as fireflies, but growing brighter and multiplying as the incantation caught like sparks all over the great hunched figure. Within a few minutes, the entire tree was alight with blazing lanterns, a golden flame leaping in each glass belly. If I were the Wren I’d been upon first arriving in Sedgwick Cove, I might have been worried that the tree would catch fire, but the Wren I was today knew more of magic than that. Those flames were made as much of magic as they were of light and heat, and the Shadow Tree itself had clearly weathered the storms of ages huddled in her protective crouch. No, all I felt was overwhelming awe, and a deep sense of wonder.
The incantation died away as it splintered apart into “oohs” and “aahs” and applause, and there was something nice about the realization that I was not the only person who was impressed by the spectacle of the Shadow Tree—apparently, it was one of those things that just didn’t get old, even if you’d seen it every year growing up. I suppressed a pang of jealousy. I’d missed this night many times that I should have been here. I was here now. I would never miss this again, if I could help it.
There was a sudden flurry of motion aroundthe circle, and it took me a second to realize that people were going around handing something out to everyone. Beside me, Nova had a tall white candle thrust into her hand. A second later, I was holding one, too.
“What’s this for?” I whispered, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. Chanting along to the incantation was one thing, but I really didn’t like the idea of being thrust into participating in magic I didn’t understand.
“Chill out, Vesper. All you have to do is light your candle from one of the lanterns. Then we’re supposed to walk the flames to our own hearth,” Nova muttered under her breath.
“Oh,” I said, feeling myself relax. “Wait, do you mean we actually have to take the candle all the way home without letting it go out? On the shore road? That’s impossible!”
“It won’t just blow out, it’s part of the spell,” Nova said, a little snappishly. She obviously didn’t enjoy having her participation in the tradition interrupted by my panicked stream of questioning.
I turned to Zale instead, just as he was handed a candle as well. His eyes were bright with excitement.
“Isn’t this cool?” he asked, grinning broadly. “Now you know why we told you you’d just have to wait and see. No description does justice to the Shadow Tree.”
Despite my confusion, I returned his smile. “No, you’re right, it’s incredible. But did I understand Nova? Are we all walking home from here to our own houses?”
“Yeah. You lucked out, you’ve got the shortest walk of almost anyone, with Lightkeep being so close to the North end of town.”
“What about Nova’s car?” I asked.
“She’ll come get it tomorrow. Better to walk one way than both, because she’s got the longest way to go,” Zale said, raising his voice slightly so that Nova could hear him. She stuck her tongue out at him. As small as Sedgwick Cove was, the Claire family home, known by the locals as the Manor, was still quite a long walk. It was the southernmost building within the borders of Sedgwick Cove.
“Come on!” Eva prompted us, and we all moved forward as the circle in which we stood contracted.
Everyone was surging forward in their eagerness to light their candles. There was some playful elbowing and joking around as a few people tried to get their candle lit first, but most everyone took their time, greeting each other and laughing together.
“As you light your candle, you’re supposed to reach out to your ancestors for guidance and connection during the time of Samhain,” Eva said. Even as she said it, two boys stumbled past, laughing as one tried to light the other on fire with his candle. Eva rolled her eyes. “Obviously not everyone here takes that part of the ritual very seriously.”
I laughed automatically, but as I turned back to the tree, I felt the weight of this moment crash down on me. Trying to connect with my ancestors—well, with one in particular—had been the sole focus of my energy over the last few days. Was it possible that this place, this ritual, might finally help me to get some of the answers I was looking for? Was this the moment Asteria and I could truly reach each other? I suddenly wished all these people were gone, and I could be here at the Shadow Tree alone.
I closed the last of the distance between myself and the tree in just a few steps. I reached out with a trembling hand and placed my palm on the rough, weathered bark of the tree’s trunk, and closed my eyes. I tried to tune out everything around me. The tree felt more alive than it looked—something warm and pulsing coursed underneath my fingers, and though it was unexpected, I didn’t pull away.
Asteria, if you can hear me, it’s Wren. I need your guidance. I need it now more than ever. Please, if you can, try again. I still don’t understand what it is you’ve been trying to tell me. Don’t give up.
I thought about it for a moment, and decided that Asteria might not be my only Vesper spirit guide. There were generations of Vesper witches I’d never met, after all. I closed my eyes again and added,Vesper witches, if any of you can hear me, I could really use your guidance now. If Asteria can’t help me, maybe you can.I felt myself wanting to apologize to them, though I couldn’t seem to put my finger on what exactly I was apologizing for. For not knowing who I was for so long? For the fact I’d never reached out to them before? For my staggering lack of magical knowledge? I knewnone of these things were my fault. But tonight was perhaps the first time in my life that I’d ever really thought about or felt close to them, and that, in and of itself, felt like some kind of offense. So instead, I simply thought,I’ll try to make you proud.
I envisioned those words burrowing right into the tree, and then shooting up the trunk, out into the branches, and then into every leaf still clinging to the branches. I imagined them brightening every tiny flickering flame with their intention. Then I tipped my long white taper candle toward the nearest lantern, and watched as the tip of the wick blackened, curled, and then danced with flame. The sight of it nestled there in my hands was comforting, like getting to carry around my birthday wish after blowing out the candle.
Someone had placed their candle inside a larger lantern for safekeeping, and pulled out a fiddle. Music began to sing from the strings, slow and mournful at first, then rising into a kind of jig. People were clapping and singing along, laughing and dancing, swinging each other around. No one seemed at all worried that their candles would go out, as Nova had assured me, and I began to relax just a little. But though the antics of my fellow flame-bearers were entertaining, I longed to be left alone in the clearing. I wanted to know if there were other voices to be heard in the clearing, voices that could pass along the messages Asteria was apparently too confused to convey clearly. But no one seemed in any rush to leave or to quiet down, and so I had to accept that I would have to come to the Shadow Tree on my own another time. Maybe Xiomara and I could come together. We had connected with Asteria twice now by working together. Perhaps the third time would be the charm, and I’d finally be able to make sense of things.
Then, the fiddler, whoever it was, began to walk away from the clearing, and others began to follow. Candles were starting to drift off through the trees, like fireflies in twos and threes, as the kids who lived on the West side of town cut back through the woods, instead of taking the longer route by the shore road. A larger group was beginning a sort of procession back the way we had come, and I realized this might be my opportunity to be alone with the Shadow Tree.
“You ready?” Eva asked as she appeared beside me, candle in hand.
“Actually, not yet. I think I want to stay here for a little while,” I confessed.
Eva’s expression was a little confused, but she smiled. “That’s cool. We can hang out for a while with you.”
“Um, no we can’t,” Nova said bluntly, and then turned to me. “Look, I’m really not trying to be an asshole, but it’s gonna take me over an hour to walk home from here.”
Eva looked like she wanted to argue, which I appreciated, but I cut her off. “That’s okay. Seriously, it’s fine. I think I’d actually… I think I’d like to be alone here, if that makes sense.”
Eva narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I said, maybe a little too quickly. “Yes, I’m totally fine.”
