Panic vibrated my nerves, and my legs tightened. I felt like a snake was constricting my breath. I had a feeling he was about to reveal something huge, and he had my full attention. I shook my head.
“You’re brother, and I had a deal. If something happened to one of us, the other would finish out and come back home. That’s why he came back, and I didn’t. It was supposed to be a simple extraction, Lucy. In and out. Fucking A. It all went wrong when…”
His voice trailed off, and he didn't speak for a long while after that. I desperately wanted to cut through the silence, but this had to be on his terms.
“I saw your letters. I would’ve written back if I’d known.”
The fire reflected off his orbs, making them appear dark, like a raging storm, yet he was calm as we spoke.
“There was one more that I had, one that never got back to your brother. It’s gone now.”
My heart hammered against my chest as I fished out two more sour candies. They seemed to be helping him focus.
“Where is it?” I asked softly, rubbing circles into his hand.
“Wherever we were being held.”
What?
Sam was…
“Sam I–”
“We were ambushed.”
The statement was matter-of-fact, and I didn’t push after that. I smiled under the blanket as his body felt a smidge less tense from the small admission. Only being given a small piece of the puzzle was enough for me. It felt nice to talk to him so intimately again, and it felt like nothing had changed between us. A sinking feeling still had me thinking, though. What happened that was so bad…He couldn't even finish telling me, and what about the other letter?
SAM
Once I plopped myself on the bed, my eyes fluttered shut. It was hard to stay awake with the dimmed red Christmas lights casting their glow on the room. It gave off a relaxed, sensual vibe. I drifted, thinking about everything that transpired, right down to the mind-blowing orgasm I gave her.
Damn, she had quivered over me, letting her juices coat me like a waterfall. I loved every minute of it. Her candy apple perfume permeated the area, and the sweet smell lulled me into dreamland, almost like she was right next to me.
I wanted to ask her to come to bed, but she was adamant about watching Elf for the tenth time, reciting her favorite scenes. It was funny every single time. She was animated and really letting herself go. For a moment, she shone like the brightest star in the sky. No way in hell I was ruining that.
Any other time, I’d place the pillow over my head, but her voice lulled me into dreamland. A place I hated to be, one I hopeone day to fill with better memories, where she didn’t know the truth about me being a monster.
I’m not sure how long I was out when my sobs woke me, trapping themselves in my chest when I inhaled and choked out an exhale. The sheets were rough and cold with sweat as I wrenched them in my hand.
I swung my legs over the bed and wobbled toward the bathroom, raking my hands through my sweaty hair. A lukewarm shower always helped when the panic forced me to believe I was having a stroke. I fucking hated it.
The handle was silent as I turned it to the desired temperature and stepped in. The steaming water touched every surface of my skin as I thought about my life and the implications that my decisions left in their wake.
Lucy still needed to love herself, and I needed to heal as well.
Did I love her?
Yes.
Was I capable of a relationship right now?
Maybe?
I ran the soap along my chest, imagining it was Lu running her fingertips along my body to distract myself from the fleeting thoughts, biting down on my lower lip, and fighting the urge to relieve myself. My senses narrowed as a small voice sliced through the quiet.
“We have to stop meeting like this.” Brown eyes settled on mine as I whipped around and took a step closer. Her eyes followed the trail of water that flowed down my body with a smirk. “I want to make you feel good.”
“Use me then,” my voice dropped an octave, a low groan replacing my words. “Show me what you want.”
