That worry that I’ve moved too fast skitters through me again. Why can’t I just revel in what happened? Why can’t I just enjoy it?
Because you have a ghost sitting on your shoulder, hovering behind you, around you.
Snapping my eyes shut, I squeeze them tight and try to shake those thoughts from my brain. But I can’t.
Atlas has been with me for so long now.
I’ve clung to him, loving the idea of his ghost keeping me company. But now it’s just weird.
What if he was watching Tyrell and me on that stage?
I jolt up into a sitting position, fisting my curls and shaking my head. “No, please. Don’t go there, brain. Please.”
Did I hurt his feelings?
He’s gone! He has no feelings!
Logic is begging me to listen to reason, but my heart and chest hurt so bad right now.
I press the heel of my hand between my boobs and quickly stand up, pacing the small space from my bed to my chest of drawers and back.
Gripping my phone, I wonder about calling my sister. I need to hash this out, but…
I glance at the time. It’s way too late. She has kids now. All of my siblings do. But Shante’s twins are only five, and life is so hectic for her. She’s back working full-time, and sleep is a precious commodity. I can’t go calling her at 1:04 a.m. She’ll kill me.
“Go get some tea.” I order myself out of my room, desperate for anything to quiet this restless itch in my chest.
I try to work in stealth mode, not wanting to disturb anyone else in the house. Tobin woke up sick this morning, which is why Jed wouldn’t cover my shift at work tonight. He wanted tostay home and look after him. And who knows where Nix is. She might be at her boyfriend’s place for all I know.
Filling a mug with water, I wince when the microwave door opens with a loudpop!I bite my lip and gently place the mug inside before pressing the buttons, which all sound like alarms at this time of night.
How badly do you really need tea?
Glancing over my shoulder at Nix’s bedroom door, which is shut up tight, I press Start on the microwave. I need tea. I’ll just stop the microwave when there’s only one second left so it doesn’t do that loud beeping thing.
It whirs in the quiet room, and I tiptoe across the tiles, pulling out a chamomile teabag and teaspoon.
Watching the countdown on the microwave, I open the door just before the time is up and nearly spill hot water all over myself when Nix’s bedroom door flings open and she strolls out in a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top with shoe-string straps that’s way too small for her. Her belly button is on full display, and I glance at the glinting stud she got herself for Christmas. I would never get my belly button pierced, but it really suits her.
“Hey.” She raises her chin at me.
I cringe. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“Nope. I was watching a movie on my laptop.”
“Oh yeah? Which one?”
She shrugs. “I’m just working my way through my annual Batman binge.”
“Which version?”
Her eyebrows wrinkle like I’m insane for even asking that question. “The Christopher Nolan ones. They are theonlyones worth watching.”
I snicker. “I’m sure some people might disagree with you on that?—”
“Well, they’d be idiots.The Dark Knighttrilogy is by far the best. It’s classy, it’s dark. It’s all the things Batman should be.”
“Okay.” I nod, not really wanting to get into it with her. I don’t watch a lot of movies. I’m more of a doco girl, but Nix will never let me hear the end of it if I admit that I’d rather watch an hour and a half of real-life facts about ancient Egypt than sit through two hours of some guy in a cape beating up deranged bad guys and… whatever else he does. “So, no boyfriend tonight?” I dunk my teabag a few more times before squeezing it against the side of my mug.
