“I slept with Dani tonight.”
His eyebrows rise, his lips twitching with a smile.
“I didn’t plan it that way. She was closing up, and when the lights went off, the music was still playing. We danced and… one thing led to another.”
“Nice, man. I know how much she means to you.”
“Yeah.” I tap the back of the couch, staring at the blank TV screen and internally gasping for air. The guilt is a thick swamp, taking me under, trying to choke me out.
“So, what’s the problem? You not into her anymore? Did you not feel it when?—”
“Of course I’m into her.” I bulge my eyes at him. “She’s fucking perfect, and the sex was…” I bite my lips together before I spill too much. I doubt Dani wants me talking about her glorious tits or the way she felt wrapped around me.
Grady watches me carefully, like he’s trying to read my mind, and I can tell the moment it dawns on him.
And if anyone in this house gets it, it’s him.
“She’s your best friend’s girl. Or at least, she used to be.”
My throat swells, and all I can do is nod.
“I know that you already know this,” he starts, his tone measured. “And you probably don’t need me to say it out loud, but the look on your face right now is forcing the words out of me.” Grady shuffles on the couch, angling his body toward mine. “Atlas is dead, man. It’s okay to move on. He’d want that for her. For you.”
“But would he want us together?” I fire out the question. “She was his woman. He loved her, more than anything else.”
“Then why was he so reckless? Why’d he end his life?”
“He didn’t commit suicide,” I bite back, refusing to believe that. “And if I’d been there, he wouldn’t have taken those pills. I would have been keeping an eye on him.”
“That wasn’t your responsibility,” Grady reminds me softly. “You carry so much guilt around not being there for him that night… but you never seem to acknowledge his part in all this. You didn’t force those drugs down his throat. He took them. He messed up. And don’t even get me started on all the other people who would have been around him that night, who could have checked him but didn’t. And who gave him those pills, huh? It wasn’t you.” His voice is so emphatic. “None of that’s on you, brother.”
I clench my jaw, wishing I could believe that, logically knowing there’s a grain of truth to what he’s saying.
But maybe if I’d been there, he wouldn’t have been tempted to do it. He was probably pissed off, wounded, because I hadn’t showed. Just like his father never showed. His best friend had let him down, and he wanted to numb that feeling. So he drank too much and mixed his drugs… and ended his life.
“That wasn’t your responsibility.”
The thought takes me out, slamming into me like a smack around the ears. My head rings with those four words, because I’ve never let myself think them before. I didn’t want to blame my dead friend, so I took it all on myself. And I’ve never really sat with the idea that Atlas had a part to play.
“Falling in love with his woman… that’s nothing to feel guilty about either.” Grady’s words catch me off guard, and I spin to face him, blinking as I try to process what he said.
Falling in love.
Is that what I’m doing?
The way I felt tonight sure makes me wonder, because this is something new. Something I’ve never experienced. Dani has never been more precious to me.
Shit, maybe I am falling in love with her!
“You’re giving each other a fresh start, and that’s a good thing. Don’t go fucking it up by drowning yourself in remorse.” Again, Grady’s words slap me hard.
I blink, staring at him until he becomes a blurry blob on the couch.
“Tyrell?” He waves his hand in front of my face, pulling himself back into focus. “You hearing me, man?”
“Yeah,” I croak, then force myself to nod. “Yeah, I’m hearing you.”
His compassionate smile makes my insides buckle.
