Brushing the back of my finger down his hand as it swings past me, I softly check, “How are you feeling?”
A breath snorts out his nose, his voice gravelly and gruff when he replies, “I’m raging. Trying not to be a dick about it, but…” He growls. “I want to break that fucker’s fingers!”
“No. You’re not allowed to do that.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ll get arrested.”
I snatch his hand, pulling him to a stop so he can turn and look at me. Gazing up at him, I touch his face with a smile. “No, I mean, you can hold him down andI’llbreak his fingers.”
He snickers, his smile blooming as he cups my cheeks. “You’re so tough.”
“Not really.” I sigh, flinching just a little when he brushes his thumb across my aching cheek.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, letting me go and taking a step away from me.
I immediately feel bereft and desperately want to reach for his hand again. Instead, I thread my fingers together and softly confess, “I’m not okay either.” I close my eyes, shaking my headand trying to word this perfectly. “I mean, I’m okay. I’m coping with life, and I feel much more secure and calm than I did… back when…” My voice trails off, and I give him a pained frown.
He nods, tucking his hands into his pockets and looking to the ground with a sad smile.
“But I miss you,” I rasp, then let out a watery laugh. “I keep trying to convince myself that being single is the way to go, but then something will happen and all I can think about is telling you. Texting you or sharing it with you.”
His eyes round just a little, like he wasn’t expecting me to say this.
“And I should have.” I nod. “I did this epic road trip to New York, you know? To visit Jed and Tobs, and it was great. I had a good time.” My nose starts to tingle. “And I would have had a muchbettertime if you’d been there with me. We could have blasted Whitney on the freeway. Sung until our voices were hoarse.”
The right side of his mouth curls up, then grows into that full smile I love so much. “I would have taken the back roads. More time with you.”
My breath catches and I reach for his hand, playing with his long, strong fingers. “I’ve been so afraid.”
“Of what?” He takes one of my locs between his fingers, spinning it back and forth.
“Of being in love with you.”
He goes still, and I dare to check his expression. His lips are slightly parted, his eyes all wide and… hopeful?
“Would that be so bad?” he whispers.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I could lose you. And the thought of having to get over you or live without you was all just… too much.”
“You’re already living without me.” He lets my hair go so he can cup my cheek. “And I want to stop missing you too. I want to stop mapping out this life for myself that has this big hole in it, because you’re not there.”
I know that feeling. Oh shit, I know that feeling so well.
“Let’s just be together.” He leans down, catching my gaze and practically begging me, “Please, baby. Just be with me.”
“But what if?—”
“No what-ifs,” he cuts me off. “We can’t do that to ourselves. We have to live in the whatis. And what is…” His voice trails off as a smile curls his lips again, his eyes lighting with this affection that is just so damn sweet. “What is… is that I love you. And I want to spend my time with you. I want to text you when I see something funny, and I want to call you just so I can hear your voice.”
My insides bloom with this warmth that’s so addictive, I’m not sure I ever want to move from this spot. Stepping right up against him, I wrap my arms around his neck and rise to the tips of my toes. “I want to kiss you when I see you.” I brush my fingers across the back of his neck. “And I want your arm around me when I’m watching a movie on the couch. I want to thread my fingers between yours when I’m walking down the street.”
“I want to travel the world with you. See every sight and sound and culture. I want to experience all of that. With you.”
My smile grows a mile wide as I whisper, “Me too,” then pull his head down so he can kiss me.
