In fact, I still don’t think he likes me.
I give him an awkward smile, waiting for him to say something.
I never understood why Atlas looked up to him. He was a little in awe of the guy and couldn’t shut up about what a talented musician he was. When Reef invited him to join their band when we were still in high school, it was the biggest honor.
“So…” I tip back on my heels, unable to stand this awkward silence anymore. “How are you?”
Don’t ask him that? Why are you drawing out this conversation?
He moves a step closer to me, and yep, the guy still reeks of weed.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” He tucks a lock of hair behind his ear and eyes me up and down. “You?”
“Yeah.” I nod, not sure what else to say. I’m not good. But I’m not bad either. I’m just… existing right now.
He nods, his lips rising into a barely-there smile as he looks away from me, obviously thinking something over. After a beat, he lets out this derisive, scoffing laugh that I don’t understand before looking back at me. “Thought you’d left town.” He sniffs. “That’s what I’d heard anyway.”
“I moved up to Nolan for a little bit, but I’m back now.” I point at myself. “Obviously.”
“Nolan.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Causing trouble up in Nolan, huh?”
My head tips back as I try to figure out what he means by that. “Uh…”
“I’m heading up there next week,” he murmurs, his head bobbing as he scrapes the asphalt with his Converse.
“Okay.” I nod, still wondering why he thinks I’m some kind of troublemaker.
“There’s a concert up there, and they’ve asked me to fill in for the bass player. He can’t do the final couple shows, so…” He tips his head, his try for humility completely failing. He is so fucking proud right now.
My lips part, my eyebrows rising. “Are you talking about Electric Reverence?”
“Yeah.” He frowns, pointing at me. “You know ’em?”
“Doesn’t everybody?” I counter. “How do you…? How did you manage to get that gig?”
“I know one of the guys in the band. We used to hang. Atlas knew him.”
“Oh, I… I… I didn’t know that,” I end in a whisper.
“Yeah, he used to party with us on the regular.” His eyes narrow on me again. “You probably met him too.” He works his jaw to the side, his voice getting gruff. “You always were at those parties. Always by Atlas’s side.” He sniffs. “Until you weren’t.”
My blood runs cold. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
That scoffing laugh punches out of him again, and he shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“He told me to fuck off,” I whisper, steeling myself against that guilt the therapist has trained me to let go of. I made my choice that night. Atlas made his. There is no turning back time. There is only acceptance. Forgiveness.
I wish I hadn’t said that now. I wish I’d just kept my mouth shut.
Reef’s dark look is making my skin crawl. “You know he didn’t mean it.”
Gritting my teeth, I cross my arms and squeeze out, “It sure felt like it at the time.”
Reef’s hard stare tells me he’s not buying my shit.
But it’s not shit.
Atlas’s harsh words cut me that night, and so I took off. And sure, I wish I hadn’t. But I did, and this man, standing here trying to make me feel guilty for that, is going to undo weeks of therapy.
