“I can’t do this.” She jolts to a stop, flicking my arm off her shoulder.
A dark sense of foreboding settles in the pit of my stomach, but I try to shake it off, seeking clarification with a soft “Can’t do what?”
“This.” She points between us.
Fuck. No!
Don’t do this, please, Dani.
Keeping my emotions in check is an effort, but I clamp down the flood of panic that’s threatening to blind me and force myself to say, “I know tonight shook you, but everything’s going to be fine.”
“No, it’s not.” Her voice is wooden, her eyes staring past me like she’s outside of her body or something. “I thought it was you. On that floor. I thought it was you.”
“Me?”
“Yes.” She looks up at me then, her eyes all wide and panicked. “I can’t put myself through this again.”
“It wasn’t me, though. I’m here. I’m safe. I would never drink too much. I’ve never done drugs. Not even one puff of pot. I’m here, baby, and I’m not leaving you.”
“You don’t know that,” she whispers.
“Y-yes, I do,” I try to argue as gently as I can. “I wouldn’t do that to my body.”
“No, you don’t know that you’re not leaving me. You don’t have control!” Her voice rises. “You might not OD, but you could still die. You could get sick or hit by a car or… or shot by some psycho!”
“Dani.” I reach for her, but she flicks me away.
“I can’t,” she sobs, covering her face and speaking into her hands. “I can’t lose someone else. It’s too much. My heart can’t take it!” She ends up screaming the last part, lowering her hands and staring up at me like she’s begging me to get this.
But I can’t. I don’t want to buy into this thinking.
I don’t want to lose her!
“Dani,” I practically beg. “Please don’t do this. I know that life is uncertain and unpredictable, but don’t push me away out of fear. I love you, okay? I love you, and I want to be with you.”
“It doesn’t matter what you want. It doesn’t matter what I want! I can’t… I can’t do this! I’m not ready for a relationship. I thought I was, but I’m not, okay? It’s too much. It’s too soon. I’m not strong enough to take a risk with someone.”
“Please,” I whisper.
She shakes her head, closing her eyes and crossing her arms. “Take me home. Please, just… take me home.”
CHAPTER 44
DANI
I can tell he doesn’t want to, but Tyrell gives in after a long beat. With a heavy sigh, he murmurs, “Come on,” and I open my eyes as he’s pulling the keys from his pocket.
Trailing after him, I keep my arms crossed tight over my chest, feeling weak and vulnerable. I know I’m hurting him, and I hate that. I’m hurting me too, but I can’t tell him that because he might try and convince me to change my mind.
And I can’t change my mind right now.
I thought I could do this, but I’m not ready.
My reaction to that guy on the floor is proof enough.
I thought it was Tyrell, and I started screaming like a crazy person. I’m not over Atlas’s death. I’m still traumatized by it, and I can’t put Tyrell through that. It’s not fair to him or me.
I don’t know what the hell I want; I just know I have to get away from this strong, beautiful man. I can’t explain myself. It’s just a gut feeling, a warning that I’m not ready for this. For him. For what being with him actually means.
