Slumping down on the edge of my bed, I grip the mattress and stare into the darkness, memories swamping me. They dance through my mind, a cacophony of good and bad—laughter and goofing around with my best friend, arguments and play fights, whispering in the dark for the countless sleepovers we had growing up. Atlas consumes me as I travel back through the years, then work my way forward to high school and the day Dani came on the scene.
Atlas spotted her from across the room, and he was gone. It was love at first sight—for both of them. I found it hilarious.Dani was cute, definitely. I could see the appeal, but Atlas was gone for that girl. Like seriously gone!
They became obsessed with each other pretty damn fast, and for a minute there, I thought I’d lost my friend. But that season only lasted a few months before they quickly settled into “couple mode” and I was brought back into the picture. The three of us used to hang out a lot, and I really liked Dani. She was funny and cool and had this awesome effect on Atlas. She could calm him in a way I couldn’t.
Besides, I was getting big into football, and she was a great buffer. I appreciated that there’d always be someone to keep an eye on my friend.
“Should I be keeping an eye onhernow?” I whisper into the darkness.
With a frown, I lean forward and flick on my bedside lamp.
An orange glow illuminates the space around me as I open the top drawer of my nightstand and pull out a framed photo of Atlas and me. It was taken when we were thirteen, about three months before Atlas’s dad bailed. It was one of my favorite summers. We were old enough to bike everywhere on our own, and the freedom was awesome. We spent every day together, hanging out, riding around town, getting into mischief and escaping before we got caught. We flirted with the girls, played arcade games, swam in the waterhole, walked around the mall. The days just disappeared, and every day, Atlas and I were together.
I gaze down at my friend, his arm slung around my shoulders. He was always so skinny compared to me. Our contrasting skin color is so marked, yet we had the same hair—black and curly. Sure, mine were Afro curls, but still, when we introduced ourselves as brothers and people balked like we were crazy, we’d always laugh and say, “Can’t you tell? We’ve got the same hair.”
He grew it out in high school. Dani loved his hair, and it ended up longer than hers. He’d tie it up in a top knot or a low ponytail when he was performing onstage, and Dani and I would stand off to the side, or right in the front row, cheering him on.
Until I left.
“Fuck.” I scrub a hand down my face, digging out the other framed photo I always keep in that drawer.
It’s a shot after Atlas won our high school talent show. It was senior year, and he’d performed an acoustic cover of “Perfect” by Simple Plan. He’d been epic, his voice carrying across the gym, where a stage had been set up in the middle. The entire crowd got into it, and out of all the performances, his felt most like a concert. Dani and I had rushed him after the announcement, and someone snapped a pic—the three of us, standing in a row with beaming smiles. Atlas was between Dani and me. He was sandwiched by my towering body and her petite one, and all three of us looked so damn happy.
Brushing my thumb over his smile, I softly murmur, “Miss you, man.” My throat swells, and I have to clear it before I continue. “She does too. It’s so obvious. She’s tryin’ to move on, but you’ll be with her for life, brah. You always had that effect on people. You stay with them, you know?”
Swallowing, I stare at my buddy.
I’ve done this before, spoken to his photograph, just needing that connection.
Lying down on my back, I cross my ankles, holding the photo above me and talking to him as if he’s right here in the room.
“She looks good. Her hair’s shorter than it was last time, but it really suits her. She’s got it up just above her shoulders, and it makes her curls look all springy and bouncy, you know? But it’s cut in like this cool, edgy way.” My lips twitch. “She always was cool. Made your skinny white ass cool too.” I snicker. “Do you remember yourloose tiephase? I think you were vibing off KevinBacon inFootlooseor some shit, but brah, it did not fly. I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. And then when she came along, you tried to bring it back, and she shot that shit down.” I start laughing. “Damn, man. She took you from try-hard musician to legit sex symbol in our school. Do you have any idea how many girls wanted to be her after that?”
My laughter fades as the echoing silence reminds me that he’s not here. If he had been, he’d be punching my arm and telling me I’m a douchebiscuit or shitwhistle. Those were his two favorite insults because he thought they were funny. Dani did too. Every time he used them, she’d get the giggles, and then we’d try to come up with similar insults, laughing our asses off with how ridiculous they got. But we always came back to those two.
I can picture Atlas laughing, wrapping his arm around Dani and pulling her close. He was never shy about kissing her, never shy about looking at her like she was the only girl on the planet…
“What should I do, man? I mean, I had no idea she was even in Nolan. And I can keep playin’ that I don’t know.” I sigh, scrubbing a hand down my face. “But I do. I know. And…” I swallow. “Do I keep in touch? Do you want me to reconnect with her or leave her alone? Because I’m telling you, seeing her just… It hurt, you know? Every time I look at her, I’m gonna think of you, and I’m trying to move on. Forget.” I wince, hoping he’s not offended by that.
He’s not here! How can he be offended!
But if he was.
If he knew that Dani was in Nolan and he couldn’t be here, he’d want me to watch out for her.
He was always protective of his girl.
Is that my job now?
She’s a grown woman. She doesn’t need youprotectingher.
But Atlas would want me to. I know he would. And maybe it’s a way for me to make amends for letting him down so badly.
Licking my bottom lip, I look at them in the photo, so loved-up and happy. My sigh is heavy as I finally nod.
“Okay. If she needs me, I’ll step up. I’m not gonna get up in her face or insert myself into her life, but I’ll… I’ll keep an eye out. I’m only here for a couple more months, but I’ll watch her back if you want me to.”
He does. I can sense it.
