But you want him. You can’t deny that.
I do.
Yet the idea of moving everything for a guy is a lot.
I made my entire world about Atlas, and when he died, I was completely lost. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be. What makes me happy.
I don’t know if I want to rearrange my life for someone else. Even though I’m confident Tyrell would never OD on any kind of substance, what if something else happened to him?
And what if we moved in together and it didn’t work out?
This all feels too much.
My heart starts to race as my mouth continues to goldfish.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss my forehead before rolling onto his back and tucking me against his side. I rest my head on his shoulder, splaying my hand over his hard pec and feeling kind of bad.
I think I’ve hurt his feelings.
“You don’t have to decide anything right now, and if you don’t want to come, it’s okay. I’ll, uh, just… I’ll make sure I come up here on the regular, and we can do long-distance, right? Unless…” His words trail off, and I have to move onto my elbow so I can see his face.
Oh shit, he looks gutted. “Unless what?”
“Unless this was just a… short-term thing for you.” He swallows, and my heart starts to crack.
“I didn’t know what this was going to be. I’ve been trying really hard not to plan my life out too far, you know?” I draw a circle on his chest with the tip of my index finger. “I used tohave such massive dreams, and I’ve learned the hard way that life often has other plans. You just have to live one day at a time.”
He nods, his lips pursing as he obviously wrestles with disappointment.
Shit.
“I… I really like being with you.” I haphazardly stick a Band-Aid over this conversation, trying to soothe the obvious wound I’m creating. “And I’ll think about Dallas, okay? I really will.”
He turns to me, and I’m wondering if he’s about to say,“Don’t worry about it.”
Will he rescind that offer? Have I just made an idiot move?
But instead, his lips curl into a smile. “Only say yes if you want to, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod, appreciating the freedom he’s giving me, but still hating the underlying disappointment of my lackluster response.
“Hey.” Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I rest my nose against the side of his face and promise him. “I will seriously think about it. I really enjoy being with you. And… I think I’m falling too, which is a little terrifying, you know?”
He turns to me, his eyes lighting with soft hope as his lips curl up at the edges. “I know.”
Cupping his face, I brush my thumb over his lips before kissing him and hoping I’ll have an obvious “feel good” answer sooner rather than later. These past few days… weeks… with Tyrell have been uplifting for my soul, and I don’t want to lose what I’ve got going with him.
But uprooting my life to move to Texas?
Taking our relationship to this next level so fast?
I’m just not sure.
CHAPTER 38
TYRELL
She’s not sure.
