But today more than the rest because my nose started bleeding again. I’ve been wiping it away with my sleeve the best I can. The last thing Cameron needs to worry about is me. And the last thingIwant is for General Nolan to issue me the final dose. I know he’s been working to perfect it, like he does each time Cameron has improvements, but there’s no telling what will happen. I’ve been feeling much more stable, and I don’t want to lose that.
I kneel by the water station and snatch a plastic bottle, gulping it down in several large swigs.
“Save some for the rest of us,” Damian jests as he plops on theground beside me. His hair is soaked with sweat, and he downs a water bottle as fast as I did.
Gage holds his hand up as he finishes his jog. I toss him a water and he dumps the entire thing over his head.
“We get to take the day off before the mission right? This is insane,” Wraith complains for the first time as he braces his hands on his knees and bends over to catch his breath. My jaw almost drops because I never thought I’d hear him whine about anything.I guess he really is a person somewhere deep, deep down.
“Not likely.” Thomas sounds annoyed, but more troubled than anything. He’s always been the snarky, rule-abiding one of the group, but he’s been much quieter and reserved since arriving at this air hangar.
I wonder if he senses that something is amiss and is just too stubborn to say anything about it.
Cameron drinks his water quietly, glancing down as I look up. His eyes flick to my arm.Crap.I know he sees the dried blood on the inner sleeve because his jaw sets and a flicker of worry crosses his features.
I don’t want him to fret over me, but I still feel guilty for keeping it a secret. I silently thank him for not saying anything in front of the others. Especially as the lieutenant is standing not but five feet away, smoking and reviewing things on his clipboard.
We’re dismissed shortly after, and as I thought, Cameron grips my upper arm and guides me to the side of the building. “How long has it been since it started back up?” he asks in a low voice, tilting my head back and forth like he’s looking for any other areas of bleeding.
“Two nights ago,” I say reluctantly.
“Em.”His hands are perched tightly around each of my shoulders. He lets his head dip with disappointment. I already feel like shit, does he have to make it worse? I suck in my lower lip and bite down enough to quell my feelings.
I know from experience how hard it is to watch someone you care about fall apart before you. How helpless and daunting it is that there’s nothing you can do to help them. I watched him break down for weeks before me. It wears on your soul, and we both know it.
“I know, Cam.” I brush my hand over his cheek. His gaze softens with misery. “I know.”
He takes a long breath and presses his forehead to mine, shutting his eyes. “Can you at least tell me if you’ve been having any side effects besides the bloody noses? I want to help you, love. Ineedtoo. I can’t lose you, soplease…let me help,” he pleads tenderly.
I clench my fists and swallow my heart. “I’ve been having moments where I mentally check out and lose sense of time… It started several nights ago.” I fight the tears that well in my eyes. Cameron jolts and backs up a few inches to look at me.
He gently pulls down on one of my eyelids. “Look up.”
I do, hoping that he won’t find anything, but I’ve seen the dark bloodshot spots that are slowly growing across the whites of my eyes. It doesn’t look good.
“Sometimes I completely space out on where I am. But I haven’t had the violent tendencies like you usually do, and as far as I know, I haven’t killed anyone.”
“Fuck.” His voice falters and he quickly checks the other one. “This one too.” Cameron grips his head roughly and paces in a circle, cursing and shaking his head as he casts me a few torn glances that break my heart.
“What does it mean?” I ask in a hushed tone that seems to silence the rest of the world around us. The birds and wind, the planes in the sky, and the laughter coming from inside the building. It’s all quiet as I wait for him to respond.
He stops pacing, fisting his hands at his sides and unable to look at me.
“It means you’re starting to die,” he rasps, biting his lip after saying words that are causing him so much pain. Then he flexes his jaw and looks at me, eyes red and tears slipping down his cheeks. “Your body is in the process of shutting down, it’s refusing the medication, and I don’t know if there’s anything I can do, but I’m going to try everything.”
Dying?The idea that the very pills that take away my physical pain are also wreaking havoc on my body is tragically ironic.
He must see the acceptance wash over me because he closes the distance between us in one stride and pulls me against his chest tightly. His fingers thread through my hair and he presses several kisses to the top of my head.
“Over my dead body. I’m going to fix this, Em. There’s nothing else in this world left for a sinner like me. Nothing. I’m going to reach out to Reed, and if he can’t help, then I’ll bite the bullet and ask General Nolan. We’ll figure it out,” he promises as he presses a kiss to my forehead.
In what feels like the next moment, I’m sitting alone in a dark room. It’s Cameron’s room, I can tell by the birchwood scent of the sheets.
I press my hand to my forehead.What the fuck is happening to me?I try to shake the fear that’s racing through my veins. A small note lies on the bed a few feet away, near the edge.
I lean forward and grab it.
In case you forget, meet me in the mid-sized transporter aircraft at 22:00.
