“Because it’s not something you would’ve done before.” My excuse sounds like bullshit, but I don’t know what else to say to herto get her to listen to my warning. “It shortens your life, and you’ve still got a long one ahead of you.”
Her eyes flicker and a small smile pulls at her lips. The first genuine one since her memory loss. It stills my heart and I lose track of my thoughts for a moment. She takes advantage of it.
“Careful. You sound like you might actually care about me.” Her words carve into me. Em’s soft eyes trace my features. I’m starved for her attention. Greedy for her to stare at me with as much longing as I have for her. “Surely, no one would mind if I shaved a few years off of my life.”
I swallow the knot in my throat.
I would.
She stares at me emptily for a few moments before setting her hand over mine and slowly pushing me down her arm until I drop it at my side.
Nolan stops beside us as the captain and Erik leave.
“Ready, Morphine?” He sounds so eager, and it makes me sick that he’s already onto his next test subject. I’ve survived this long, but I can’t say the same for her.
I haven’t let her see the bloody noses or the way my mind is fractured. She doesn’t know how ugly it can get. Well, more like she doesn’t remember. She didn’t have to watch the others like I did. So many soldiers died from the trial pills. The new drug developed from my test results will surely have a higher viability rate, but I can’t help but hate this.
She nods at Nolan and doesn’t spare me another look as she follows him from the room.
I take one step forward, intending to force her to listen to reason, but I stop myself and bite down on my lower lip as the door slams shut behind them.
Alone.It was once peaceful to spend my time in solitude.
How is it that one small woman can change that?
4
EMERY
The injectionin my neck still stings even though an hour has already passed. I rub the spot and try to listen as Mori grumbles about the plans for phase one of our mission. He has the whiteboard covered from top to bottom with a detailed layout of the hideout we’ll be infiltrating.
“Are you listening?” He firmly crosses his arms and glares at me.
I glower, sinking farther into my arms folded over each other on the table with my chin at the center of them. “Yeah,” I mutter passively.
No. I’m not really listening. I’m thinking about the bottle of pills that are weighing heavily in my pocket. Nolan’s words echo through me,“Each bottle is a two-week supply. Four every four hours when you’re awake. If you get injured on the field, take more as necessary.”
A sinking feeling shifts in my gut. Am I crazy for signing up for this? If Mori can handle it, then I should be able to as well, right?
A sharp whistle cuts through the air, and a marker smacks the center of my forehead.
“Ow!”I guess the injection hasn’t taken effect yet.
I look up at him sharply. His eyes are wide, like he himself is surprised with his own actions before he swiftly blinks his amusement away and returns to his stoic, usual expression.
“Did you just throw a fucking marker at me?” I snap, rubbing the spot with a glower.
His eyes darken and he steps closer to the table until he’s pressing his hands against the surface of the wood. “This isn’t a game. This mission is going to be among the most dangerous our squad has had to execute. So enough with the careless shit. We don’t have time for it,” Mori says in a low tone that stirs something deep inside my chest. My cheeks feel flush and warmth pools in my stomach.
Are these side effects of the drug?I worry. Please, God, don’t let it be an aphrodisiac. I’ve barely been able to keep myself in check as it is. Mori is unfairly handsome, his scars, tattoos, and unusually pale-blond hair. I’m weak to his beauty.
He doesn’t seem to notice my shortened breaths as he pushes off the table and resumes writing notes on the whiteboard. He shoves his left hand into his pocket while he casually recites the blueprint plans. Mori looks like a professor right now, but instead of being in professional attire he’s wearing his black hoodie and athletic sweatpants that hug his sinewy thighs.
“…wanted to teach at an old university. It didn’t matter where…”I jolt at the sound of his voice in my mind. Was that a memory? I press a palm to my forehead and shut my eyes. Were…we close before? I can’t imagine him actually sharing something about himself with me.
Mori continues to go over the mission details, unaware of my distracting thoughts, but I can’t bring myself to focus.
“Tell me something aboutme,” I interrupt him.
