“Besides, I’ll be in attendance as well. There’s no room for error on this mission. We don’t come home until we get that flash drive,” Erik states sternly. The set of his jaw dismissing any arguments.
My eyes skirt across the room to assess how the squad is taking this. Their expressions are discouraging, making an uneasy flutter rise in my stomach.
For some reason though, the thought of a mission like this doesn’t make me feel the same way they do. Maybe it’s because I have nothing to hold on to. No past, no baggage, no one I’m thinking fondly of.
It’s really no different than just trudging on like I already am, but with more action. I could use some change, it might spur my memories to return. Excitement stirs up the chemicals in your head, doesn’t it? Sex does the trick too, at least that’s what I heard from Gage.
The thought of sex snaps an image of Mori straight into my head. As big as he is I can only imagine the size of his package. I shouldn’t think of his muscles or his weighted stare that pierces me relentlessly. The only cortisol released from him would be from stress alone. I can’t imagine a world in which we’d…
I shake my head, heat flushing over my cheeks as I think of him touching me, sliding his callused hands down my stomach and dipping beneath my waistband. Oh God,stop thinking like that.I shift in my seat and refocus.
In terms of the mission and it being lethal, I have nothing to lose, no one to mourn me. I’m already technically declared deceased to the civilian world.
So who cares if I die?
I sense heavy eyes on me and glance at Mori. His chin is stillfirmly planted on his palm, steadfast as he stares at me. There’s a softness somewhere in those heartless eyes, but he insists on keeping a wall of ice between us. His gaze shifts to my hair, pulled back into a loose bun. Disdain wrinkles his nose before he returns his attention to Erik and Bridger.
What, now he has a problem with the way I have my hair?
“Mori, you and Morphine are going to be the first ones entering the territory. We’re counting on you two to cause a scene out there and draw as many of the guards out as you can. I’ll hand out everyone’s detailed instructions after dismissal this morning. You’re to immediately start preparing. We have one week until load out,” Captain Bridger says, eyeing both of us more than the others.
I’m not surprised that we’re the ones going in first. We’re the two most unstable soldiers they have. I’d send us in first too.
Nolan threads his fingers together as he chimes in, “On another note, we are beginning trials for the next series of our enhancement drugs. Any takers besides Mori?” His voice is smooth but it still sounds like a serpent’s. Something about Nolan just gives me a rotten feeling. It could be the lack of humanity in his gaze. The way he only ever looks at us like weapons ready to fire.
I think it’s more than that, though. A knowledge I once had of him in the Under Trials, perhaps. He is a man made of lies. I have nothing to prove that belief, it’s an instinctive feeling. One I trust.
But when it comes to the experiments, I’ve seen firsthand the advantages of the drugs. Mori is living proof of it. The new series will be based on all the progress they’ve made with him, so it must be safer, right?
I slowly lift my hand. Nolan grins, it’s hollow and greedy.
“Excellent. I’ll steal you for a few minutes after the briefing,” he mutters.
Mori’s glaring at me. I can feel his eyes burning holes into the side of my head and hear the sharp breath he takes.
The others are afraid of the aftermath. They still have freedom they reach for.
I have nothing.
I am nothing.
And what’s more fun than getting to do things everyone else is too afraid to do?
3
CAMERON
What the fuckis she thinking?
I have to bite back the string of words I want to use and the urge to shake sense into her. Instead, I clench my fists and flex my jaw. She’s become so unpredictable, and there’s only so much I can do to keep her safe. If she starts taking those fucking pills…taking those shots…No.
An image of her cold, lifeless body flashes through my mind, and it chills me to the bone. If it doesn’t kill her right away, it eventually will. I’m already damned with a short life because of them, because I don’t value myself except in servitude to the Dark Forces. Well, at least I didn’t until I met her.
She’s all the things I lost in myself.
She still is. Perhaps more. Now that she’s unbroken by her past trauma, she’s like a moth that flies with singed wings. No matter how close to the fire she gets, her curiosity only grows. I can tell she wants to keep pushing the boundaries.
The ardent gazes she casts my way when she thinks I’m notlooking don’t go unnoticed. But she doesn’t need my attention, what she needs is for me to stay the fuck away from her.
